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IFOC Podcasts This is my audio archive of 100 word stories from "100 Words Or Les Nessman" so you can hear me misread them instead of suffer through the various spelling errors I incorporate into the feed. Be sure to watch out for The Adventures of Mustard Man and The Login to Add this to your Playlist Format : Radio PodcastDirectory.com's listings of the IFOC Podcasts Podcasts
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Corn Dogs Updated: 2009-09-08 19:02:11 Description: There's nothing quite like a fresh hand-dipped corn dog at the county fair. These aren't the pre-processed ones you get at the state fair or the grocery store. You can watch as they pull a hot dog out of the kettle, spear it with a stick, dip it in...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #175 - A Full Set Updated: 2009-08-29 18:29:11 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Seventy-Five, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was... was.... um... It's A Full Set. The excellent theme mu...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #176 - On the line Updated: 2009-08-30 01:00:13 Description: The 100 word stories weekly challenge is where I post a topic and then you write and record a story based on that topic. Sounds simple, doesn't it? Topics are selected by the winner of the previous weekly challenge. This week, the winner was Lynda....more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Unicorns Updated: 2009-08-30 15:08:48 Description: I hate unicorns. I especially hate the ones that leave a trail of sparkles everywhere they go. Sparkles turn to soggy ash after a while. You see the sparkly herd of unicorns prancing and running, but I have to deal with the disgusting grey piles t...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD And back again Updated: 2009-08-31 15:37:26 Description: The princess needed to smuggle gold from one castle to the other without thieves knowing. Ruplestiltskin was long banished into nothingness, but his spinning-wheel remained. So, she spun the wheel backwards, turning gold into straw. She sent out t...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Gamblers Updated: 2009-08-29 02:33:20 Description: Vinnie and Joey liked to gamble. They were always betting each other about this or that. Especially about their hits. They were hitmen, you see. Joey liked to play How Much Money Is In Their Wallet? Sure, they always split the take, just like th...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The folder is empty Updated: 2009-08-14 17:27:14 Description: This folder is empty. I don’t know if it had anything in it. I just know it’s empty now. I have no log entries about this folder. My log is empty, except for one entry: log file cleared. The name of the folder is Important Files. There are n...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #173 - Over/Under Updated: 2009-08-15 15:12:44 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Seventy-Three, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was... was.... um... It's Over/Under. The excellent theme m...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Crime In E Minor Updated: 2009-08-03 15:41:07 Description: The detective looks at the body and says “Round up every violinist.” He is holding a smashed instrument, and his conclusions would be sound if he were correct about one thing: that is a viola, not a violin. They dust it for fingerprints… none...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Candy Prince Updated: 2009-08-04 14:16:42 Description: The Candy Price sits on his chocolate bunny, watching the troops walk past. His lemondrop eyes glisten in admiration of his army. "March, my men!" he cheers, and the army raises a shout. A gumdrop button falls from his Marzipan coat. He has been o...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Imperfection Updated: 2009-08-05 15:47:04 Description: Try as you might, perfection never lasts. The moment you come close to perfection, the imperfections stand out in contrast so clearly. That makes it easier to find and remove them, and makes the remaining imperfections stand out even more clearly. ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Mr. Twelve Updated: 2009-08-06 18:02:27 Description: On either end of the table, Mister Midnight sat. One was a man in a cloak with a silver hourglass. The other wore a zoot guit, tapping a silver cane. Neither worked with The League Of Heroes, so they weren’t on the registry that prevents these s...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Ex Updated: 2009-08-07 17:12:48 Description: The second-longest wait is from the time you issue a Reboot command to the time your bridebot opens her eyes and sees you for the first time as her husband. The glint in her eye, the look on her face… it affects everything she says and does. The ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The strange coffee Updated: 2009-07-22 17:17:49 Description: Mary watched the last drop of coffee slide out of her cup and on to the floor. There was a sizzle, then a whiff of steam. The drop of coffee burned through the tile to the basement. Mary looked at the coffee pot, swirling it carefully. She’d used...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD A whisper in the ivy Updated: 2009-07-23 15:30:52 Description: I hear a whisper in the ivy. Is it the wind, blowing through the leaves? On the ground, in a bed of green, covered with shadows, I see something. I kneel down to look closer, but there is nothing there. Another whisper. This time behind me. And ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Champ Updated: 2009-07-24 16:27:24 Description: It is the Fourth Of July. Thousands of miles from the Coney Island Boardwalk, Hodo blindly crawls on the cracked earth, flies buzzing in and out of his nose. There is no food. There is no water. There is nothing but dirt, flies, and death. A pack ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Salad Races Updated: 2009-05-14 16:15:15 Description: We both order club salads and watch the lady behind the counter pull out two metal bowls. The race is on. She grabs twice the usual amount of ingredients each time, dividing them between the bowls. Lettuce, chopped ham, eggs... It was neck and n...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Schnauzer Updated: 2009-05-15 14:24:16 Description: I have a giant Schnauzer. That's giant with a small G. Not a big G. He's not a Giant Schnauzer breed. He's a giant Schnauzer. One hundred feet tall. He's still growing, too. He's been growing ever since I got him as a puppy. What do I feed him? ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #160 - Bacon Updated: 2009-05-16 17:31:53 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Sixty, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was... was.... um... It's Telescope. The excellent theme music is b...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #161 - Elvis Drives A Bus, The chance meeting of a sewing machine and an umbrella on an operating table Updated: 2009-05-17 03:22:08 Description: The 100 word stories weekly challenge is where I post a topic and then you write and record a story based on that topic. Sounds simple, doesn't it? Topics are selected by the winner of the previous weekly challenge. This week, it was a tie between ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Burning Hands Updated: 2009-05-10 16:43:17 Description: Both of my hands are wrapped in bandages. I don't know why I held them over the fire. It didn't hurt at first. Then, it hurt. A lot. The skin and nerves are gone from what muscle and bone remains. I can't tell how many fingers I have left. I wigg...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Munge's Menagerie Updated: 2009-05-11 14:45:33 Description: Through an error in programming, Professor Munge created a robot that could read, but was incapable of writing or expressing words in audio form. Over the course of a year, Munge's lab produced a series of mechanical oddities, such as robots without...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Like a bar of soap Updated: 2009-05-12 19:07:05 Description: Travel to Insect Worlds requires Sleep. Cory leaves her robe on a hook and lays down in the tub. Five injections: her arms, her legs, and her heart. Her skin turns pale. Eyes closed, the monitor shows her slowing down for the sleep. Muscles con...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Apartment Circus Updated: 2009-05-13 19:16:42 Description: I couldn't stand to see the carnival rust in the junkyard, so I bought it. How you fit all that into a two bedroom apartment in Manhattan, well, that's my secret. Kids line up at my door, and I sell tickets to the rides, the midway games, and the v...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Piano Bar Updated: 2009-05-08 04:03:43 Description: The kids were hungry, so I said “Let's go to McDonalds.” They screamed “No!” Sounds weird, right? Kids not wanting to go to McDonalds? Well, it makes a lot more sense when I mention: our McDonalds has a piano bar. Three hours later, the k...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Retarded Twins Updated: 2009-05-09 15:28:27 Description: Julie and Judy were indistinguishable from each other for 80 years. Usually, you can tell twins apart, but these two were exactly alike. Including their mental retardation. So severe, their father walked out when they were 5 and their mother dead ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #159 - Telescope Updated: 2009-05-09 18:40:30 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Fifty Nine, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was... was.... um... It's Telescope. The excellent theme music...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #160 - Bacon Updated: 2009-05-10 03:03:36 Description: The 100 word stories weekly challenge is where I post a topic and then you write and record a story based on that topic. Sounds simple, doesn't it? Topics are selected by the winner of the previous weekly challenge. This week, Elisson won. The top...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Sexy Burrito Of War Updated: 2009-05-04 00:25:02 Description: At a fast food Mexican shithole, well past midnight, looking up and down the menu. Breakfast tacos. It's what I always get- WAIT! What the fuck is a Sexy Burrito Of War? I ask the guy behind the counter, and I can see his knuckles go white as he ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Beavers Updated: 2009-05-05 03:22:21 Description: Be careful when you go inside. It's dark in the house. Power was cut off a week ago. Sure, we pay our bills, but the electric company has yet to fix the lines. Beavers chewed down the poles. Then they dragged them off to the river to build a dam....more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Edison The God Updated: 2009-05-06 03:38:57 Description: Edison invented a time machine. Some say it was really Westinghouse. Others say Tesla. Nobody sees them anymore. Imagine that. With his time machine, Edison brings back advanced medicines, powerful weapons, and amazing technologies from the future...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Silver Star Updated: 2009-05-07 04:26:00 Description: When I was a child, my sister and I had to do our chores. Each chore meant we got to lick a star and stick it to the calendar for that day. Red ones were little chores, like doing the dishes. Blue ones meant more, like vacuuming or walking the dog...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #158 - Knock Knock Updated: 2009-05-02 16:58:02 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Fifty Eight, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was... was.... um... It's Knock Knock. The excellent theme mu...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Ringing Updated: 2009-04-23 14:33:13 Description: Tom lets the phone ring for a while before picking it up. "Robots give up after four rings," he explained. "If my friends really want to get me, they'll let it ring ten or eleven times." The phone rings. Twice. Three times. Four times. Five times. ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Maggots Updated: 2009-04-25 03:10:06 Description: I was in the hospital, laid up with a broken leg when the word got out that zombies were on the loose. No guns. No machetes. Just fire extinguishers and the occasional bone saw. That's when it hit me. "Maggots eat dead flesh," I said. "Release a b...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #157 - Falling Bricks Hurt Updated: 2009-04-25 18:15:31 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Fifty Seven, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was... was.... um... It's Falling Bricks Hurt. The excellent ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Liberated Updated: 2009-04-27 01:17:47 Description: Written during Fanny Starr's lecture... We were liberated by the British. The Americans, they bring doctors. They bring food. They bring water. They bring medicine. They bring trucks and jeeps. They talk and they cry. The British, they bring not...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD April White Updated: 2009-04-28 03:19:37 Description: I knew this girl. Her name is April. But she was born in May. Her full name was April White. Except, she was black. Her whole life was a bunch of opposites, one after the other. Some folks could handle them and others couldn't. I thought I coul...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Stick it to The Man Updated: 2009-04-29 04:25:17 Description: Things are always getting worse for me and Joey. Joey lost his job. My hours are getting cut back. The apartment's a wreck. Nothing works out for either of us. Joey's always saying we gotta stick it to The Man. But Joey never says how we're suppo...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Swine Flu Updated: 2009-04-30 00:31:00 Description: Thanks to Lauren Weyland for the inspiration for this story. The Big Bad Wolf didn't care about this Swine Flu scare. He was hungry. So he huffed, puffed, and coughed for about a minute. A window opened in the straw house, and the first little p...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Chicken Password Updated: 2009-05-01 00:43:41 Description: Thanks to Lauren Weyland for the inspiration for this story. Ever forgotten an important password? I once forgot the password to a very secure system that didn't have a way to recover it. It was so secure, the software author couldn't even get i...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Shutterbug Updated: 2009-05-02 01:01:07 Description: Thanks to Lauren Weyland for the inspiration for this story. I had to go to a place and shoot pictures of an awards ceremony. When I got there, I realized I had forgotten to bring any film. I walked around, pretending to snap photos, but all I w...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Fiddle Faddle Updated: 2009-04-15 03:05:57 Description: I admit it. I'm addicted to Fiddle Faddle. I love the stuff. It's so much better than Chex Mix. Some people will eat any snack, but I refuse to eat anything but Fiddle Faddle for a snack. Once, on April Fools, my friends told me they weren't going...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Executioner Updated: 2009-04-16 04:05:02 Description: When the queen called for my head, I knew I was doomed. But when she called for my head to be brought to her on a paper plate, well, that bothered me. “Shouldn't that be on a silver platter?” I asked. The executioner shrugged. “I'm only foll...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Dog Still Updated: 2009-04-17 02:46:02 Description: Boy, there comes a time in every kid's life when he's got to say goodbye to a pet. Do it without crying and whining and raising a fuss. It's your dog. I kinda used him to make a whiskey still. Oh, sure, there was some leftover bits and pieces, but ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Voltmaster's Garden Updated: 2009-04-18 01:38:11 Description: The Gardener of Voltmaster's hedge maze is the only man alive who knows how to navigate that nefarious path of thorns, pits, and snares. We release five goblins into the north end of the maze and place five bags of gold coins at the southern exit. ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #156 - The Stinking Rose Updated: 2009-04-18 11:37:38 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Fifty Six, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was... was.... um... It's The Stinking Rose. The excellent them...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Witness Updated: 2009-04-20 05:39:01 Description: I'm a professional witness. The wilder the thing you want me to witness, the more it'll cost you. Same goes with how far I need to go back into history to witness it. Some scientists did the math and figured out that building superconducting super...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Small Safe Town Updated: 2009-04-21 03:51:59 Description: There aren't many secrets on an orbiting research platform. It doesn't matter how big we build these. Even a few thousand onboard, it's still like a small town. Or a research center. Word passes fast. It's also hard to keep secrets about problems ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Fishing Updated: 2009-04-22 05:48:52 Description: I used to go fishing with my grandfather. No, I didn't go on a boat or a dock to dish. Instead, we'd go to the aquarium after dark and fish in the really big tank. Not only is the water clear, but there's a lot of really cool fish in there. Okay,...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Sacrifice That Updated: 2009-04-22 17:01:50 Description: NOTE: This podcast has the Really Bad Imitation Of Guy David tag... He commanded me to go up the mountain with my son and a knife. “Prove your loyalty to me,” said The Lord. “Kill him.” He's always fucking with us like that. Sacrifice t...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Fresh Thursday Updated: 2009-04-10 02:31:34 Description: What do you mean you're having a bad Thursday? Thursdays don't spoil. I pick my Thursdays fresh from the vine and gently place them in the basket. So ripe and delicious they are, I can hardly believe they are gone by Friday. I wake up, rub the Th...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD I Killed The Moon Updated: 2009-04-11 01:39:09 Description: This knife is mine. I threw it at the moon. And killed it. Its blood raining down. Dead. Police station. Jail. Behind bars. Arrested for murder. Other cells hold drunks. Hookers. Thieves. I am the only murderer. “Why did you do it?” as...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #155 - Rusty Steel Updated: 2009-04-11 14:15:46 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Fifty Five, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was... was.... um... It's Rusty Steel. The excellent theme mus...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Blind Man's Wallet Updated: 2009-04-13 00:33:58 Description: Joe has been blind since birth, but he keeps photos in his wallet. We ask him who they are of. His wife. His daughter. His parents. He opens up the wallet to show us. All three are beautiful, almost-perfect. They are the photos that came with th...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Boxcars Updated: 2009-04-14 05:27:42 Description: The commercials called Boxcar Willie the king of the hobo musicians, but old Willie never spent a day riding the rails. He was a gambler. Craps was his game. Guy owned a pair of dice, loaded for sixes: Boxcars. “Boxcars Willie” didn't sound qui...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekends Updated: 2009-04-06 05:39:02 Description: When I was young, time crawled. Now that I'm older, and the schoolweek is now the workweek, things feel a whole lot faster. And it's a good thing that the workweek goes by so fast. So much crap I just want to just get through. It's the weekends th...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Birds Updated: 2009-04-07 03:20:16 Description: The trees are filled with so many birds. Black as the night, silent and watching. They only move their heads to follow us. I've never seen them fly. For as long as I have watched them, not a single one has left or arrived. Just turning their hea...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Shoelaces Updated: 2009-04-08 04:29:25 Description: Damn. I broke a shoelace. So let's go out to the woods and look for a replacement. They drop from the tree branches and slither on the ground, looking for a spot to burrow a hole. You catch a few, check their sizes and colors, and then hope to fin...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Labels Updated: 2009-04-09 05:54:13 Description: Something strange happened last night. All of the labels on the cans in the pantry vanished. I don't know how or why. It just happened. Now, I have no idea what's in these cans. Well, okay, maybe the tomato paste is easy to identify. They're smal...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Count To Ten Updated: 2009-04-01 03:43:29 Description: She tied me to a chair and broke each of my fingers, one by one. As she did it, she looked me in the eyes, and her smile got wider and wider with every finger she broke. She held my hand, my left thumb slipped between her lips and she sucked on it ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Talking Kid Updated: 2009-04-02 04:20:52 Description: We love our kid. How can we not? He's our kid. One disappointment with him, though. Our boy didn't start talking until he was four. But when he started, he just couldn't shut up. He talks all the time. During meals. In the bath. In the preschool...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Training Updated: 2009-04-03 00:37:18 Description: Instead of getting laid off, we're being repurposed. Today's training session is for turning us into plants. The trainer goes from seat to seat, jabbing us in the foot with a nutrient spike and then tipping a watering can over our heads. One guy i...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Helpful Updated: 2009-04-04 00:26:00 Description: All support is moving to India. It's not because they are cheap workers. It's because they really like to help others. Boatloads of them show up at our ports, asking if they can help with anything. We send them back, and they offer to help with t...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #154 - Howl at the moon, I demand a recount, The fencing master, Matzo tower, The end is near. Updated: 2009-04-04 18:56:32 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Fifty Four, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was... was.... um... It's Howl at the moon, I demand a recount,...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Predetermined Updated: 2009-03-30 02:08:36 Description: You can't change fate. Everything is predetermined. From the beginning of time to the end of time, everything has been planned for. Even the roll of the dice has a set outcome. Don't bother trying to escape from it. This doesn't means you should ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Migration Updated: 2009-03-31 05:42:19 Description: Watch the spaghetti for me. Don't let it overcook. And don't let it escape. Remember the last time the spaghetti got loose? It took an entire legion of the Baron's soldiers to subdue and drive back to the kitchen. If it hadn't been so delicious, ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Rite of Passage Updated: 2009-03-22 23:33:10 Description: Some societies have complex and deadly rites of passage. The elders really bust your ass. Others require that simple rituals be performed. That kind of cake walk makes for a weak man and a weak tribe. The times sure have changed since my tribe roam...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Curses Updated: 2009-03-23 23:35:50 Description: The Great Mage, The Master of Kraken, taught me that all curses should be removed in reverse order as they were inflicted on the victim as to not cause harmful effects as they are unbound and dispelled. Like turning the pages of a book. Auras overla...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Hawaii Updated: 2009-03-25 02:22:42 Description: I saved up for a year to go to Hawaii. I kept a calendar, marked every day off until it was time. First class ticket, champagne and leg room. They put one of those flower necklaces on me. Checked into the hotel, and then took a taxi to a party. ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Prison of Oz Updated: 2009-03-25 21:01:43 Description: Dorothy and the Cowardly Lion sat in the prison cell, weeping. The Scarecrow had insisted that they take him apart and slip him through the bars. “I can go for help!” he said cheerfully. So, they pulled out his straw and threw it with his empt...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Floating Updated: 2009-03-27 04:09:49 Description: It rained hard for a day, and the bayou looked like it would overflow, but it didn't. We watched tree branches and other junk flow with the water. Then, a dead body. Jeans, jacket... face down and not moving. Well, okay. It was moving downstream. ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Sleeper Updated: 2009-03-27 14:17:47 Description: My little girl couldn't fall asleep. So I told her to close her eyes, think of clouds, and count slowly to ten. She always fell asleep at five or six. But one night, she got to ten. And she was by the bed, shaking me. Wake up, Daddy, she said. ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #153 - Swimming in de Nile Updated: 2009-03-28 18:08:50 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Fifty Three, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was... was.... um... It's Swimming in De Nile. The excellent ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #154 - Howl at the moon, I demand a recount, The fencing master, Matzo tower, The end is near. Updated: 2009-03-29 01:07:42 Description: The 100 word stories weekly challenge is where I post a topic and then you write and record a story based on that topic. Sounds simple, doesn't it? Topics are selected by the winner of the previous weekly challenge. And there was a five-way tie? T...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly challenge #152 - Wikipedia Wildcard! Updated: 2009-03-21 20:23:56 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Fifty Two, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was... was.... um... It's The Wikipedia Wildcard. The excellent...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Rocketman Updated: 2009-03-19 14:37:40 Description: "My power is infinite!" cackled Dr. Demonic, rubbing his hands together and throwing switches on a complicated console, the highlight of his dark, evil fortress. "The world will bow at my feet!" "Infinite?" I shook my wrists. "Then why am I handcuff...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Chip Updated: 2009-03-21 03:30:41 Description: I work at this place, maybe you've heard of it... Cyberdyne Industries? Anyway, I needed an expansion chip, found one sitting on a workbench, turned out to be from the head of a Terminator. Now it's trying to take over the world every time I sync i...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Black Cat Updated: 2009-03-16 01:09:01 Description: Black cats are supposed to be unlucky. Friday the thirteenth is supposed to be unlucky, too. So finding a black kitten on Friday The Thirteenth is supposed to be double-unlucky. I'm watching the little guy run around and scamper everywhere. Then,...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Seven Locks Updated: 2009-03-17 05:14:49 Description: A locked chest? The lock requires seven keys. Legend says that each was handed to the King of each Continent, but we all know that's crap. There was never a King of Antarctica. So, I pick the locks. Surprisingly easy to do. The locks were just or...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Candidate Updated: 2009-03-17 19:46:43 Description: Crowds surrounded the candidate, or the spot they thought he was standing. Throughout the campaign, everywhere they thought he was politically, he wasn't. So much so, with so many lies and double-deals, he'd ripped a hole in the fabric of space-tim...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Kim Updated: 2009-03-19 00:13:14 Description: Kim never wears orange now. The last time she did, she looked like a pumpkin. "PumpKim," they called her. That got her mad. Everyone who called her PumpKim, she punched in the face. Sure, she was fat, but in all the years she exercised to try to...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Flat Feet Updated: 2009-03-12 02:29:53 Description: Someone's out there in the field. I'd better check it out. So, I follow the trail of footprints through the mud. Big feet. Flat arches, too. Who walks around in this field without shoes on? What kind of crazy person does that? They could step on ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Fireflies Updated: 2009-03-13 01:15:26 Description: Me and Teddy, we go firefly catching in the summer. We always go firefly catching, we do. Teddy, he ain't got no arms. That don't stop him. He catches them lighting bugs in his mouth, and I hold up a jar for him to spit them in. Bam. I put the l...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Shadows and Snacks Updated: 2009-03-13 15:19:01 Description: Before I go out into the streets of Old Rustville, I fill the pocket of my robe with shadow, gathered from an alley. Shadow is a most powerful reagent, useful for spells of concealment and death. Another pocket, filled with pistachios. It is always...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #151 - What would Gandhi do? Updated: 2009-03-14 15:49:32 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Fifty One, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was... was.... um... It's What would Gandhi do?. The excellent ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Her Eyes Updated: 2009-03-07 02:52:38 Description: Every city has an Oracle. Every Oracle has a secret to hide. The bartender with the bandage over her face told us some things should not be known. “What color are your eyes?” asked Joe. I elbowed him in the ribs. He laughed. She put down the...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #150 - Just let me touch it... Updated: 2009-03-07 11:01:11 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Fifty, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was... was.... um... It's Just let me touch it.... The excellent th...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Helper Updated: 2009-03-08 20:57:16 Description: You can tell who has a Helper biochip and who doesn't. Every few minutes, their left eye goes hazy and blank. That's them talking to HelpNet. And the Helper talking back. We use just 10 percent of our brains. Helper uses some of the rest to offer ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Brick Updated: 2009-03-09 15:54:50 Description: I know a man who can shit bricks. He eats three pounds of clay daily. Then, he squats down on the ground and shits a brick. He's been doing this for years. Behind his house is a brick wall. He's shit every one of those bricks himself. I asked hi...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Shampoo Updated: 2009-03-11 05:20:44 Description: These days, people will put just about anything in shampoo. They shove all kinda of flowers and stuff in there and call it “herbal.” Once, I was given a sample to try. “What's in it?” I asked. “It's a surprise,” said the marketer. “...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Healer Updated: 2009-03-02 04:37:52 Description: I am a healer. I heal the worn-down, the lame, and damaged. If you have an ice sculpture that has lost an arm, a wing, or has melted beyond recognition, I can restore it to its former grandeur. The water speaks to me, and with my frozen operating ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Wyvern Updated: 2009-03-03 01:37:43 Description: Every week, the townspeople bring meat to my cave. Sacrifices to the dragon, they say. Keep him from burning our village, like in ancient times. I laugh. I am no fire-breathing dragon. I'm a wyvern. I don't breathe fire. Sure, my tail has a dead...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Goldberg Updated: 2009-03-04 02:36:04 Description: In all my centuries as a creature of the night, there is one thing of which I am certain. I hate Bach. I hate Mozart and Beethoven, too. Oh, how my ears ache to hear Goldberg just once more. You have never heard of Goldberg. I know this. I heard...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Last Dance Updated: 2009-03-05 02:42:30 Description: All the time, folks say they can't wait for me to die. My funeral's gonna be one hell of a party. Clowns and dancers and musicians. Hell, I got the perfect spot for it. There's this dancehall I grew up around. Everybody there, they know me. The...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Pie Updated: 2009-03-06 01:58:35 Description: She asks me what my favorite scent is. Pie. Pumpkin pie. The best pumpkin pie I have ever smelled was a gift. A woman who had scorned me had left it on her windowsill to cool in the gentle evening breeze as she slept with her new lover. I took th...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Halves Updated: 2009-02-28 05:07:35 Description: It was a beautiful marriage, and they made beautiful music together. While it lasted. It didn't last. Arthur ended up with the player piano. Leslie got all the scrolls. Arthur would sit at the piano, tap a key now and then, and listen to the note...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #149 - Mothballs Updated: 2009-02-28 17:39:29 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Forty-Nine where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was... was.... um... It's Mothballs. The excellent theme music ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Store Updated: 2009-02-25 02:40:20 Description: In the middle of the storm, a man came into my store wanting cigarettes. “This is a smoke-free town,” I said. “We don't have cigarettes.” So, he asked for some beef jerky. “Meat-free town too. We're all vegetarians.” “Beer?” “N...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Night Of A Thousand Stars Updated: 2009-02-25 16:45:17 Description: "Make a wish, Daddy." A tiny finger points to the night sky, silver streaks crisscrossing over each other. "Those aren't shooting stars," I said. No, they were satellites. And it was my fault. After the Russians hit one of ours, we agreed to han...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Rape Is Never Funny Updated: 2009-02-27 00:42:59 Description: This one's going to bother the shit out of some people. There is a rule of comedy that rape is never funny. But then, how many comedians are from Easter Island? Yes, the place with the big stone heads. I was raped there by the natives. But the...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Silenced Updated: 2009-02-21 03:25:30 Description: “With a snap of my fingers, you are silenced,” said the man in the red cloak. And he did. He took off a red glove and held his hand in front of my nose. Snap “Go ahead,” he said. “Say something.” I didn't know what to say, so I said: ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Invulnerable Updated: 2009-02-23 04:25:51 Description: Lord Bragdor's armor stands in the Hall Of Heroes, as shiny as the day he was speared through the face in a jousting tournament. “It was enchanted with an invulnerability spell,” said the Blue Wizard. “But, his visor was loose and his opponent...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Alphabet Soup Updated: 2009-02-24 02:31:31 Description: My daughter loves it when I make alphabet soup. But every now and then, she complains that a letter is backwards or upside-down. “Just turn the bowl,” I say. “It all tastes the same.” No, she won't. She will stare at it and whine. “Ther...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Black Spot Updated: 2009-02-15 17:37:49 Description: I dropped a can of root beer on my foot. When I took off the shoe and sock, the middle toe was dark red. No blood, just bruised. A day later, the swelling went down. But there was a black spot on the nail. Over the past month, it's been slowly ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Foil Updated: 2009-02-16 18:38:55 Description: Happy birthday, Oliver. Here's your present. What? Oh, I never buy gift wrapping paper. Instead, I use tinfoil. It's bright and shiny. And it's actually cheaper than wrapping paper when you think about it. Especially if you give out small presen...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Volcano Updated: 2009-02-17 19:26:17 Description: The chief was perplexed by the crop failures and dwindling animal stocks. “The only thing we have that's worth anything is the volcano,” he said. “Let's try sacrificing things in it,” I suggested. Everybody agreed. We started to sacrifice...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Tunnel Updated: 2009-02-19 04:26:15 Description: I've been walking for hours, but I haven't found the end of this tunnel. The walls get narrow, then they get wide. There's some phosphorescent rocks and moss down here. I can make my way around without being totally blind. The floor's slippery. I...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Thud Updated: 2009-02-19 21:13:12 Description: Ricky had been shouting about sparkly unicorns and butterflies before his eyes crossed and he dropped like a stone. For the next thirty years, we'd visit him in the hospital. The nurses always cleaned him up nicely before visits. We'd hold his han...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #148 - Gladiolas Updated: 2009-02-21 18:04:39 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Forty-Eight where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was... was.... um... It's Gladiolas. The excellent theme music...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Demolition Derby Updated: 2009-02-12 01:41:16 Description: Hey, man! Bored with football? Tired of all these baseball players juicin up? Hockey not bloody enough for you? Lemme tell you about a new sport: communication satellite demolition derby! All it takes is override commands, some maneuvering propell...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Wacky Adventures of Abraham Lincoln #100 Updated: 2009-02-12 16:39:37 Description: Bill Herndon opened his former law partner's letter and read the final line once more: I'm coming back sometime, and then we'll go right on practicing law as if nothing had ever happened. Strange events had been happening since Abe died. Odd noise...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Straight Up Updated: 2009-02-13 22:44:01 Description: If you ask a robot where home is, it usually points to its recharging station. So when the Andersons' new service droid pointed straight up, I assumed that it meant the attic. After the survey of Oak Falls was complete, no other robot in my survey ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #147 - Running With The Cool Kids Updated: 2009-02-14 14:38:02 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Forty-Seven where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was... was.... um... It's Running With The Cool Kids. The exce...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Shaving Updated: 2009-02-09 00:04:44 Description: Every time I shave, I miss a few hairs. It doesn't matter how many blades my razor has or what kind of shaving cream I use. Hairs appear in the mirror, or I run my fingers across my face and they spring back out of my skin. It's frustrating. I us...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Alchemist Updated: 2009-02-09 21:46:14 Description: The world is turning to bright yellow glass. The Alchemist. I have to see her. She has the pills I need. Her blend of phase-anchoring nanobots and cellular dimensional disruptor isotopes aren't cheap. What’s your task? Reach across time for an ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Molly Updated: 2009-02-10 19:42:57 Description: By day, Molly Scott's soul is where it belongs - in Molly, making Molly uniquely Molly. If you've read her books, you'll know what I mean. Children's books unsafe for children. “Cooking With Broken Glass” and “Boogertime Blues” are favorite ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Boxes Updated: 2009-02-07 04:26:01 Description: I wake up, get out of bed, and walk around the house. I do this every morning. Six cardboard boxes in a pile by the door. No labels on them, no markings at all. I have no idea what's in them. Or where they came from. Some are heavy, some are li...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #146 - Animal Cruelty Updated: 2009-02-07 14:51:49 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Forty-Six where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was... was.... um... It's Animal Cruelty. The excellent theme mu...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Quiet Ones Updated: 2009-02-06 02:19:52 Description: It's the quiet ones that kill. Just sitting there, watching you from across the coffee shop. “What a beautiful cat,” says a customer. The owner nods, hands over the mug. Those eyes follow you everywhere: you walk into the shop, over to the co...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Frozen Barbie Updated: 2009-02-03 02:37:05 Description: My sister was so weird. One day, she stripped all of her Barbie dolls naked and wrapped them in aluminum foil. “What are you doing that for?” our mom asked. “Cryogenics,” she said, sticking the dolls in the freezer. “We'll wake them up i...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD De-inspiration Updated: 2009-02-03 22:54:23 Description: Inspiration means to breathe life into a creation. But what happens when you want to take that part of your life back? Especially when your creation wants more, and is sucking the life out of you? Waking up breathless, needing to do more. No more...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Sabbath Updated: 2009-02-04 23:00:24 Description: Servants are unreliable. When the Sabbath comes, you cannot depend on them to do work. Unsupervised, they do such a poor job. And they steal. So, we decided to build robots to do the Sabbath chores. It wasn't enough to program them with the abili...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Lousy Servant Updated: 2009-01-29 20:22:21 Description: I expect my tea to be placed by my bedside at precisely 8 in the morning. Any earlier, and it will be cold when I drink it. Any later, and it will not be there when I reach for it. Instead, I will reach for my sonic whip and you will suffer dearly...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Feeding Updated: 2009-01-30 15:14:06 Description: With horror bubbling in her throat, Lisa ran a finger along the last wrinkle in her face. "One more child should do it," she told her servants. "Not too young. I do not want to overfeed." That night, in a burlap sack, they dragged a peasant boy up ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #145 - Concrete Shoes Updated: 2009-01-31 15:06:21 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Forty-Five where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was... was.... um... It's Concrete Shoes. The excellent theme m...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #146 - Animal Cruelty Updated: 2009-02-01 01:08:33 Description: The 100 word stories weekly challenge is where I post a topic and then you write and record a story based on that topic. Sounds simple, doesn't it? Topics are selected by the winner of the previous weekly challenge. This week reveals Animal Crue...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Peanuts Updated: 2009-02-02 02:16:44 Description: If there's anything I do that has me pegged as a Southerner, it's the fact that I put peanuts in my cokes. You're supposed to put them in the bottle, but nobody drinks out of bottles anymore. People drink out of cans, or they use a glass. Either w...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Spaceship Updated: 2009-01-27 03:49:21 Description: Last night, a spaceship landed on my driveway. A small green man climbed out through a hatch, waved hello, and asked me if he could borrow my tools. At least I thought that was what he was asking. “Sure,” I said. “Do you need English or Metr...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Was A Rabbit Updated: 2009-01-28 05:26:33 Description: A cop fireman-carried the lifeless body into the morgue. The cause of his death is listed as "Basketball." Every so often, the coroner gets bored with Heart Disease and Cancer, so she cuts loose a little with the weirder cases. "Old man died while...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Racks Updated: 2009-01-28 16:15:29 Description: How did I wind up in the hospital? It’s simple. I got my wine rack and gun rack mixed up again. Going deer hunting with Merlot isn’t so bad. Merlot goes nicely with venison. However, trying to open a loaded rifle with a corkscrew is not a good...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Remix Updated: 2009-01-23 21:24:49 Description: It's fun to mess with memory tapes. I reversed Johnny's timestamps and he spent weeks sucking his thumb and shitting his pants while the reindex ran. Dell hasn't stopped speaking in French, despite restoring his mind from an old directory. Tracy a...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #144 - Chicken Nuggets Updated: 2009-01-24 18:00:14 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Forty-Four where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was... was.... um... It's Chicken Nuggets The excellent theme m...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Wacky Adventures of Abraham Lincoln #99 Updated: 2009-01-25 16:37:14 Description: Abe lay back in his coffin and thought. Johnson should be kicking out Mary Todd and Tad just about now. I'm not even cold yet. Bastard. He'll probably command the Army to freeze over the lawn for a skating rink. Andy loved skating, and it didn't ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Eighties Updated: 2009-01-19 02:55:36 Description: The club is dead on Wednesdays, so I picked a theme and bought a few ads. One after the other, these old people started to wander into the club, using walkers and canes. A few had powered scooters. I had to move the tables further apart to handle ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Pickles Updated: 2009-01-20 05:11:27 Description: Know what the worst thing about getting old? I hate going bald. Yeah, I used to have so much hair, but now. all my hair is falling out. Some guys cover up with hats, and others shave their heads and go totally bald. Me, I like to cover my head wi...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Lenses Updated: 2009-01-21 02:57:16 Description: At the rank of Mage Ultimor, the wizard will grind a Diabolical Lens. Infused with ancient spells, this looking-glass deciphers messages from The Beyond. The messages are often mundane, but occasionally an interesting and useful command makes it th...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Peace Hunt Updated: 2009-01-22 02:32:51 Description: It was an awesome peace concert in the park, and at the end, we opened the cages that released the doves. Majestically flying into the air, a cloud of white wings upon the air. That's when the hawks came. Doves became puffs of white feathers as th...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Caricature Updated: 2009-01-22 15:22:22 Description: The revolting, hook-nosed caricature loaded his grocery cart with every discount Kosher food he could. When finished gathering food for tonight's blood rituals, he haggled with the young lady at the checkout counter, protesting every penny. She kep...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Errors Updated: 2009-01-15 20:26:27 Description: The error messages this system spits out are frustrating. They are just a bunch of meaningless code. "Can I get some meaningful error message that tells me what I did wrong?" I ask. The developers say no. They are too busy getting rid of the bugs ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Fifteen Seconds Updated: 2009-01-17 04:03:41 Description: Once you hear sirens, you have fifteen seconds to seek shelter. Will the rocket land in the fields. Will the rocket land in a school. Will the rocket land in the streets. Will the rocket land on you. The shelter is across the street, you can get th...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #143 - Tidal Wave Updated: 2009-01-17 19:12:55 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Forty-Three where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was... was.... um... It's Tidal Wave The excellent theme music...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD His Number Came Up Updated: 2009-01-15 00:13:34 Description: He was not a number, but his number did finally come up. The old actor died last night. His greatest performance was over forty years ago. He had full control over the production, and he put everything into it. I'm watching it now, episode after e...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Never Updated: 2009-01-13 03:46:41 Description: We all stared at the turtle in its terrarium. They named it Never. “What kind of name is Never?” I asked. The twins both shrugged at the same time. They did that kind of thing, shrugging and smiling and sneezing together. Always in agreement...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Foldspace Updated: 2009-01-14 02:53:28 Description: Edgar needs to go to Phoenix. He pulls out his world map, makes a few folds, and he's now just a few minutes walk from Phoenix. "Relative Foldspace" he calls it, in between cigarettes. I call it Voodoo. "It doesn't hurt anybody," he says. "It jus...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Sturgiss Updated: 2009-01-10 00:33:08 Description: We followed Sturgiss Necromancer, demon graverobber criminal. His destination? The Voltmaster. His watchtower rises from a clearing in Gloomwood. We goblins know to give this abomination of stone a wide berth. On the roof, Sturgiss arranges stee...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #142 - Double Dipping Updated: 2009-01-10 17:46:41 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Forty-Two where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was... was.... um... It's a combination of: Double Dipping The e...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Poison Banquet Updated: 2009-01-12 02:15:07 Description: The guards aren't allowed to beat us anymore. But they still torture us. They have a chef cook feasts for them. The air ducts are arranged to blanket the jail with the kitchen smells. Fresh baked bread. Deep, rich gumbo. Buttery, roasted corn...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Skin Contract Updated: 2009-01-08 20:07:12 Description: Awake at 4. Itching, scratching. The rashes are unbearable. One more week until my skin contract’s up. The free ones are nothing compared to expensive designer skins, but with the contract, you get a discount on those. I look in the mirror. Hi...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD There will be peace when the Gnomes love their children more than they hate us Updated: 2009-09-05 00:00:00 Description: In the nursery, we keep it simple: babies coming in equals babies going out. Come up short, and security checks the tapes before “Stolen Baby” makes the evening news. But when we come up with extra, that’s worse. "Damn those Gnomes," said Nu...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Forest Of Fourteen Trees Updated: 2009-01-02 15:00:23 Description: Once upon a time, this was a vast forest, with trees as far as the eye could see. Now, there are only fourteen trees, crowded together in a housing subdivision. We, the elves of the forest, once frolicked and hunted. Now, we argue over pizza toppin...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #141 - Thumpin Updated: 2009-01-03 18:44:57 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Forty-One where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was... was.... um... It's a combination of: Thumpin The excellen...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Perfect Potatoes Updated: 2009-01-05 01:03:21 Description: The potatoes are perfect? Good. I'm glad you like them You know, I always kept things in the oven just a little too long. So, I had the temperature turned down just little on the oven. Things turn out just right now. I could have just set the ti...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Sandpaper Carpet Updated: 2009-01-06 05:31:56 Description: We ripped up the carpet and put down sandpaper. It's easy to vacuum now. And I get great traction. It's a weird feeling to walk across it with my bare feet. It's kind of like walking on the beach. The worst part is when I spill something on it. Wh...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Belt Updated: 2009-01-07 05:12:21 Description: I could not find my belt this morning. It was not where I had left it - wrapped around my neck. My belt is usually on yesterday's pants, but I didn't wear pants yesterday. So I wrapped it around my neck and went to sleep. When I woke up, it was go...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Monkey Fuckers Updated: 2008-12-27 01:34:11 Description: You wake up in pain, reeking of sweat and stale bananas. Another night, another monkey fucked. This shit's too sick for Oprah. She thought you were fucking guys in monkey suits or something. This is the real deal. Oh you've tried. Lord knows you'v...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #140 - Lambada, Dragon Burgers, Coal, Bail, and Wrapping Paper Updated: 2008-12-27 19:55:33 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Forty where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was... was.... um... It's a combination of: Lambada, Dragon Burgers, ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #141 - Thumpin Updated: 2008-12-28 04:41:26 Description: The 100 word stories weekly challenge is where I post a topic and then you write and record a story based on that topic. Sounds simple, doesn't it? Topics are selected by the winner of the previous weekly challenge. This week reveals Thumpin...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Wacky Adventures of Abraham Lincoln #98 Updated: 2008-12-28 16:36:15 Description: Abe rubbed the back of his head and moaned. "Stop that moaning!" said a deep voice. Abe looked around. Clouds everywhere. "Is this Heaven?" Abe asked. "Of course, stupid," said the voice. "Any other questions?" "Why did you create so m...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Tie You Up In Knots Updated: 2008-12-29 22:53:50 Description: I know my knots. I know every knot. Though I may be old and blind, you can give me any rope and I can put a knot in it that you want me to put in it. Hand me a rope with a knot in it, and I can tell you what kind it is in ten seconds. This rope ar...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Old Men Updated: 2008-12-31 03:48:11 Description: Two old fishermen on the dock, the bucket sitting between them on the dock. They've been there for years, fishing. The first old man catches a fish, and then he lets it go. Then the other old man catches it and lets it go. Back and forth, that fi...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Old School Updated: 2009-01-01 05:11:44 Description: We're at the bar, watching the ball drop in Times Square. “I still write last year on my checks,” I say. “I always do.” She puts her drink down. “You still write checks?” she asks. “No online bill payment?” “I like the feel of wr...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Stuffed Updated: 2009-01-02 02:41:18 Description: It's just a simple fact of life. You can stuff a chicken. You can stuff a bra. You can stuff a bra in a chicken. You can stuff a chicken in a bra. Those awful cookbooks and fashion magazines – I blame them all! It's unhealthy! It's unsanitary...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD A Funeral On The Side Of A Cliff Updated: 2008-12-25 03:42:50 Description: He spent half his time climbing cliffs and the other half looking for cliffs to climb. When his luck ran out, he insisted on being buried in the cliff that killed him. So, we threw drop-lines over the edge, lowered ourselves to where the rope snapp...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Dr. Santa Updated: 2008-12-25 14:12:37 Description: Every year, he puts on a Santa suit, visiting dying children in the hospital. "There are healthy girls and boys without toys," he'd sneer, holding up an unopened train set. "Are you planning on being buried with this one?" He went from bed to bed, ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Butterflies Updated: 2008-12-16 01:31:33 Description: What am I eating? Butterflies. Ever eaten butterflies? No? They're delicious. I can't decide if they taste better dipped in chocolate or hot sauce. How do I cook them? I don't. I eat them raw. Their wings melt with any kind of heat. That's ok...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Forty Acres Updated: 2008-12-17 01:20:57 Description: My name be Rufus Cleveland and I be 173 years old today. What's this here place called? Time Square? Well, I calls it mine. I been waitin over a century for my forty acres and a mule, and I'm takin these here forty acres. Lincoln himself promised...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Trojans Updated: 2008-12-18 04:40:51 Description: The plan is brilliant. We are French, after all. We shipped the statue in pieces for assembly in the harbor. The torso of the statue was large enough to hold 500 soldiers. Our weapons are in the torch. Vive la France, New Paris! In the middle of ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Grooves Updated: 2008-12-18 21:03:49 Description: Old man, asleep at the bar. He's never said a word in three years. Nobody knows who he is or what his story is. Let’s take him to the jukebox. You can hear sounds of ancient times by running the needle along ridges in pottery. It's from when v...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Silent Night Updated: 2008-12-19 15:25:43 Description: Santa got stuck in my chimney. He's yelling for help. I called the sheriff. He told me to lay off the egg nog. That's how life goes in a small town sometimes. It's a nice place, though. Quiet and peaceful. Until some old fat guy gets stuck in y...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #139 - Oh, the horror! Updated: 2008-12-20 16:29:16 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Thirty-Ninewhere I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was Oh, the horror!. The excellent theme music is by Guy ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Wacky Adventures of Abraham Lincoln #97 Updated: 2008-12-21 16:35:16 Description: A crowd stood around the body of Lincoln, which was all the more crowded because of the small confines of the boarding house. People were gathering up blood-souvenirs, anything the president had bled upon. "He bled on the sheet!" "He bled on t...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Menorah Updated: 2008-12-22 17:12:40 Description: “Sun's almost down.” “That's nice. Where's the cat?” “He's outside. Time to light the menorah.” "Where's the candles?" "I'm using an oil menorah this year." "An oil menorah?" "Yes. Uses olive oil. More authentic than candles." "What?" "Y...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Wandering Cat Updated: 2008-12-24 03:59:50 Description: My cat likes to wander. He heads out the door and makes a beeline for Miami. Spring break. Just one stop in Biloxi, Mississippi. He likes how they prepare catnip there. I know this because I read his credit card statements every month. He's not ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #136 - Thankful Updated: 2008-11-29 13:33:40 Description: WARNING: After the rookies, I get off on a rather perturbed rant over something Steven the Nuclear Man said on his Ideatrash blog in reference to a simple question I asked on Twitter. If you don't want to deal with the politics, religion, he-...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Wacky Adventures of Abraham Lincoln #94 Updated: 2008-11-30 16:31:51 Description: "What was that loud noise?" was Abraham's second-to-last thought. Abe slumped forward and moaned. Booth shouted "Sic Semper Tyrannis!' and leapt to the stage. Abe heard the ugly crack of Booth's ankle breaking. As a testament to Abe's overflowi...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Goalposts Updated: 2008-12-02 04:13:53 Description: There's no greater thrill than when your team wins the championship and the crowd tears the goalposts down. I wish we had stopped at that. After the goalposts came down, we started tearing up the field, ripping huge sheets of sod and tossing them a...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Art Museum Updated: 2008-12-02 15:50:33 Description: Every day after work, I go to the art museum. It is on my way home, next to a family grocery that always has the best apples. You aren't supposed to eat in a museum. But they let me bring an apple in. Or an orange, if I am not in the mood for an a...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Guards Updated: 2008-12-05 05:31:44 Description: The brothers stand at either side of the door, wearing their finest red military parade jackets. Even though they each had a musket on their shoulder, the guns hadn't been fired in years. When had they been fired? Let's see... I know. I remember. ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Tongue Updated: 2008-12-05 17:48:09 Description: Robert Pastorelli's been dead for years, but that didn't stop me from dreaming about him. His corpse had been torn to pieces and I had stumbled across his tongue, a throbbing slab of redness inchworming its way along the pavement. I placed a resona...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #137 - Blow Pops and Water Updated: 2008-12-06 16:54:18 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Thirty-Seven where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was Blow Pops and Water The excellent theme musi...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Rider Updated: 2008-11-12 23:16:46 Description: They may be hideous in appearance, but no goblin would be caught being rude. "Sears," says the creature. "And your name is?" The topiary, a shrub groomed to look like a green poodle, said nothing. "I need to be in Waco by sunrise," said Sears, and...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Life Hands You Lemons Updated: 2008-11-13 22:54:05 Description: When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. So, I did. Death handed me lemons, too. I made lemonade with them. Karma gave me lemons. More lemonade. Then, Fate handed me a bag. "More lemons?" I asked. Please, not more lemons. Fate nodded yes. ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Lasso Updated: 2008-11-15 05:48:33 Description: You don't need a license to carry a lasso. That's why I carry one of those instead of a gun. Guns are aloud and messy. Lassos are a lot friendlier. But have you ever tried robbing a bank with a lasso? The teller laughs like you're crazy. If you'...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #134 - That One Updated: 2008-11-15 16:50:37 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Thirty-Four where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was That One. The excellent theme music is by Guy David ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Wacky Adventures of Abraham Lincoln #92 Updated: 2008-11-16 18:53:58 Description: Congress, in its infinite wisdom, offered to grant royal powers to Lincoln. The exhausted president refused them. "If all earthly power were given to me," he muttered, "I should not know what to do." Later that evening, he watched as a meteorite s...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Taco and Tequila Updated: 2008-11-17 16:06:14 Description: I sit at my desk, ignoring the noise, focused on that clock on the wall. Both hands reach for the sky - Noon! You see, I have found the key to happiness. Every day, I have a taco and a shot of tequila for lunch. Oh, that sweet simple burn. Sure, ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Poseidon Updated: 2008-11-18 16:28:46 Description: None of the other Poseidon The Sea Gods at water parks had problems, but then, they were just actors. The One True Poseidon lay on the couch, shaking. "The pills aren't working," he tells his analyst. "Neptune came out during my act at Sea World ag...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Dead Lawn Updated: 2008-11-20 00:11:21 Description: The lawn is dead. I tried watering, fertilizing, sod patches - you name it, I've tried it. You know how some kooks tell you to play music for plants? Well, I tried that too. I guess those kooks were as kooky as I'd thought. There's nothing left of...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Lobster Races Updated: 2008-11-21 04:41:01 Description: I've got a special treat in store for you. No, we're not going to the movies. There's no good movies out right now. We're going to the lobster races tonight! They take a pair of lobsters and strap them to roller skates. Then, they roll those roll...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Bacon Updated: 2008-10-27 15:49:53 Description: The Law of Bacon is an axiom of our existence. Creation's purpose is two-fold: to evolve a form of life to generate a source of bacon and a form of life to consume bacon. This is the Meaning Of Life. One without the other shatters the fabric of rea...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Battery Updated: 2008-10-28 16:10:15 Description: The monks bring out the iron chest and assemble the relics upon the altar. Tears from a thousand saints poured into the Holy Grail, iron from the gates of Heaven and Hell wired with a slender silver thread that was hammered from Judas coins. They ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD All Locked Up Updated: 2008-10-29 22:52:53 Description: I forget when I lock things, so I made a key chain with little plastic reminders when a door is locked or appliance is on. Instead of worrying, I now just look at my reminders on my key chain. I was in a rush this morning and forgot to set the remi...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Pumpkin Screams Updated: 2008-10-30 22:39:05 Description: This genetic engineering shit gives me a case of the heebie jeebies. These newfangled pumpkins scream and ooze blood when you carve them. When it got to Thanksgiving turkeys that gobble to the tune of "over the river and through the woods" even aft...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Devil's Night Updated: 2008-10-31 13:17:57 Description: They call this night the Devil's Night because kids set fires to usher in Halloween. One year, they got what they wanted and The Devil showed up to survey the damage. "You call this devastation?" He howled. "I've seen entire empires burn, nothing b...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #132 - Clowns vs. Ninja Updated: 2008-11-01 17:04:40 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Thirty-Twowhere I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was Clowns vs. Ninja. The excellent theme music is by Guy ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #133 - Omission Updated: 2008-11-02 03:02:31 Description: The 100 word stories weekly challenge is where I post a topic and then you write and record a story based on that topic. Sounds simple, doesn't it? Topics are selected by the winner of the previous weekly challenge. This week reveals the triumphant...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Wacky Adventures of Abraham Lincoln #90 Updated: 2008-11-02 15:46:14 Description: Cows, everywhere cows! Lincoln couldn't believe the sheer number of cows roaming through the streets of Washington. Going forth like swarms of Egyptian locusts, devouring every blade of grass and other green thing. "Where did all these cows come f...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Servant Updated: 2008-10-21 16:15:34 Description: We need more sticks for wands. Kiss your fingertips, touch the gate, and walk into the cemetery. Without the kiss, the cemetery's residents will be insulted. With the kiss, you will have a safe journey to the Tree Of Souls. Gather the loose branc...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Primordial Updated: 2008-10-22 22:02:38 Description: The primordial soup is full of amino acids. Add a little electrical energy in the form of lightning to get the building blocks of life. Perhaps with the primordial soup you can get a primordial sandwich. Nothing complex... Just some lettuce and to...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Vet Updated: 2008-10-24 02:29:14 Description: Bo spent two years in Sadr City. Some bearded fuck was running the place. The government gave this fuck guns and money to keep the peace, but this asshole used them for all sorts of other shit. Women suicide bombers. Those were the worst. Stick a...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Bring Him Back Updated: 2008-10-24 15:03:58 Description: The poster was supposed to say Dead Or Alive, but it ended up saying Dead And Alive. Before we could fix the mistake, the poster was up in every Post Office. Replacements were sent out the next week, but by then, we'd gotten our man. He's in the h...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #131 - Asylum Updated: 2008-10-25 14:10:13 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Thirty-One where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was Asylum. The excellent theme music is by Guy David LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #132 - Clown Versus Ninja Updated: 2008-10-26 00:02:04 Description: The 100 word stories weekly challenge is where I post a topic and then you write and record a story based on that topic. Sounds simple, doesn't it? Topics are selected by the winner of the previous weekly challenge. This week reveals the triumphant...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Wacky Adventures of Abraham Lincoln #89 Updated: 2008-10-26 20:45:44 Description: Abraham Lincoln didn't like to lose. "Rather than yield," he said. "I would sooner go out into my backyard and hang myself." All it took was a bad hand of cards or an argument over dinner, and he'd be out in the backyard, tossing a rope over a bran...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Ducks Updated: 2008-10-13 04:44:57 Description: When I was little, we would go to the Volkswagen offices and feed the swans at the pond. Or were they geese? Or ducks? I can't remember. We'd take a lot of white bread to the pond and crumble it up and toss it in the water. It would float until a...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Elevator Updated: 2008-10-13 16:34:03 Description: This is the result of a Tweet by Grace McDunnough about riding the elevator with a heavy breather. The elevator doors open and I step in. The doors close. Usually, it's a smooth ride. And very peaceful. But I can hear breathing. Loud, heavy br...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Cloud Whisperer Updated: 2008-10-15 03:50:47 Description: He lays back in a field, guiding the clouds across the sky. The Cloud Whisperer rules the heavens by sheer willpower. The clouds are happy to do his bidding. It delights them to float where he asks. He hardly notices the roar of the crowd around h...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Roadkill Updated: 2008-10-15 16:55:44 Description: Usually, we see dead possums and armadillos by the side of the road, but this was the first time I've seen a panda. Turning it over with my shovel, sure enough, it was a panda. Big bastard. I couldn't lift it. So, I had to call for help. The count...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Felver Rate Updated: 2008-10-16 22:42:58 Description: The government reports appear on my desk on the third Tuesday every month. It is my job to inspect them for investment opportunities or legal loopholes. Every month, a new statistic appears. This month I noticed a label called Felver Rate. There w...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Deathface Updated: 2008-10-17 22:44:13 Description: The law says three days. The machines can do five. With modifications, seven. That's how long Spencer wants. He's got Deathface. Sunken eyes and cheeks, grey skin, eyebrows gone, raspy breathing. The law says not to send a Deathface down. Notify...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #130 - And then you put it in the blender... Updated: 2008-10-18 10:05:51 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Thirty where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was And then you put it in the blender.... The excellent them...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Wacky Adventures of Abraham Lincoln #88 Updated: 2008-10-19 18:50:08 Description: Every man is said to have his peculiar ambition. No visitor to the White House left without being asked of their ambition by Abraham Lincoln. He thought he'd heard them all, until one child said he wanted to be an astronaut. "What's that?" asked A...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Apple Bobbing Updated: 2008-10-20 17:31:29 Description: If you're listening to these as bedtime stories, you're going to have bad dreams after this one. I love Halloween. It's the best time of the year. The candy. The costumes. The cool breeze in the air. Most of all, I love apple bobbing. Fill a wa...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Golden Pen Updated: 2008-09-28 17:39:00 Description: I was suffering a horrible case of writer's block when The Devil tapped me on the shoulder. "Use my pen," he said, and he handed me his Golden Pen. "What's the catch?" I asked. "The usual shit," he said. "Brilliant artistry for your soul and etern...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Control Room Updated: 2008-09-29 17:56:58 Description: The king wants to go to the control room. Half of the lights in this room blink for no reason. The others do not blink at all. The switches aren't connected to anything, and all that the buttons do beyond changing color when pressed is to make a fa...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Cathedral Updated: 2008-09-30 16:55:01 Description: Every colony has a Cathedral. That's what we call the terraforming engine after it's idled and scavenged for useful parts. The newer the model, the less of a carcass left. Every cubic inch of that behemoth can be melted down and forged into somethi...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Lawyer In Your Lap Updated: 2008-10-01 16:57:06 Description: A universally-despised attorney gives up on making court appearances, using an assistant with a laptop and video software to conduct business. "It's safer this way," he says. Sure enough, he pisses off a class action defendant, and the guy shoots t...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Virtual Class Updated: 2008-10-02 17:00:08 Description: Imaginary spitballs fill the air. Roger Washington's back to pulling pigtails. Stacy Miller shimmers and falls to dust. Third one today. There must be something out of sorts with the holographic system. I check the diagnostics while Stacy's parents...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Orders Updated: 2008-10-03 17:02:32 Description: Why did I put a .223 into the chest of a six year-old on a swingset. It was a justified kill. My orders say so. Of course, orders are getting weird these days. You hear stories of agents standing naked in the mall shouting "Syrup!" and not bathing ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #128 - Airplane Updated: 2008-10-04 17:09:23 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Twenty-Eight, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was selected by Brad Z, and we went with Airplanemore... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Yazghar Updated: 2008-10-05 17:06:15 Description: I list my race as White. I'm proud to be a Yazghar, sure, but I would rather not end up dissected at Area 51. The Field Operations Manual says to blend in as best I can. Carnival jobs when possible, or work from home doing technical support. Do I ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Billy the Kid Updated: 2008-06-11 04:04:58 Description: Feelin' lucky tonight? William Bonney over in Accounting was a renegade CPA who settled down and went corporate. But during Audit Season, the Call of the West got in his blood, and he became Billy the Billing Kid. Forms? Ledgers? Books? He's put ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Play Updated: 2008-06-12 03:59:38 Description: Every Thursday, the neighborhood kids gather up at the local church and put on a puppet show for the town. This week was different. You see, someone burned down the shed the kids used to store their arts and crafts. Years and years of handcrafted ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Businessman Specials Updated: 2008-06-12 23:39:11 Description: They call early afternoon baseball games Businessman Specials. You might ask... why? After playing a full game the night before, the teams aren't going to be at their best. So, the players take the day off and the front office suits up. Ever see...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Chart Updated: 2008-06-14 03:55:50 Description: My doctor put down the chart and did a little happy dance. "Does this mean I'm cured?" I ask. "No," says the doctor. "You're not in fact, it's terminal." "I'm going to die?" "Yes, but not soon. In fact, it will be a long, painful, agonizing death...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Sunset Updated: 2008-05-19 04:51:36 Description: It's been a long day. I've got my beer and my hat, sitting out in the back yard, listening to a whole lot of nothing, and waiting for the sun to set. Waiting. And waiting. Lemme check my watch, It's way past time for sunset. And my beer is empty...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Breathing Updated: 2008-05-20 05:01:20 Description: My bathrobe looks like it's breathing. Maybe it's a trick of the light. I woke up in the middle of the night, put on my bathrobe, puttered around a bit, pet the cat, and drank some milk. Might as well go the the bathroom while I'm up, right? I pu...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD War of the Gods Updated: 2008-05-20 20:10:03 Description: Corn Goddess and the Sky God make war by the ocean. Wind blows over crops, the people suffer and starve. Thunder God makes rain, lightning. Our homes burn. Coyote the Trickster gives us salt painted like seed. Fields are ruined, Earth Goddess b...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Bottle Updated: 2008-05-22 05:40:54 Description: Wanna hear something spooky? I have an oversized novelty Coke bottle in my den. It's been there for years, up on the shelf, gathering dust. Last year, when I picked it up to dust it, it rattled. There were a bunch of pennies in the bottle. The th...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Spiders Updated: 2008-05-23 03:17:25 Description: Sometimes, grocery shopping with Zelda the Enchantress can be scary. What kind of peanut butter would you like? she asks. Here's where it gets confusing. I like creamy peanut butter. But I also like crunchy. Creamy! Crunchy! I can't decide! ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Book Of Roger Updated: 2008-05-24 04:46:46 Description: Ladies and gentlemen, please turn your hymnals to Roger Chapter 5 Verse 3. What? You nay heard about Roger? Well, I photocopied it up and stuck it in your books, so shut yer traps and read along or yer all going to Hell! Two monkeys were fucking ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #110 - Jobs Updated: 2008-05-24 14:37:46 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Ten, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was selected by Steven the Nuclear Man, who is going for broke with ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #111: One Updated: 2008-05-25 00:21:36 Description: The 100 word stories weekly challenge is where I post a topic and then you write and record a story based on that topic. Sounds, simple, doesn't it? Topics are selected by the winner of the previous weekly challenge. This week reveals the triumphan...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Boat Updated: 2008-05-26 02:13:16 Description: He puts her in the ground, as he promised, and plants a tree on the spot. Year later, he takes a branch and whittles a small boat from it. Places a candle in the center. Go to the water, light the candle, and let it flow downstream. Every night, ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Belt Loop Updated: 2008-05-27 05:33:40 Description: When I'm having a bad day, I'll take off my belt and reverse it through the loops. Instead of feeding it around to the right, I'll feed it to the left. Does it change anything? No. But it gives me a moment to breathe and think. Now, if someone ge...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Haircut Time Updated: 2008-05-27 17:00:56 Description: I'm overdue for a haircut. I've got every barber in town calling my cell phone. They're bidding on the job. Some of them are trying to sweeten the deal with things like limo rides, hookers, and a free shave. This one stylist keeps sending me flow...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Calling Myself Updated: 2008-05-29 02:35:31 Description: I know it sounds weird, but I put myself on speed dial. That way, when I don't know what to do, I can call myself. Sometimes, I'm the one calling myself. And other times, my phone rings and it's me. Usually, it's nothing important, like directions...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Egghead Updated: 2008-05-29 23:10:11 Description: Perhaps you've noticed my massive egg-shaped head? Frightening, isn't it? But why? Why is my head so disturbing to others? It's not hurting anyone. I don't have horns or antlers to gore my enemies with. And if I rub it on you, the condition is t...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Mister Hunktastic Updated: 2008-05-31 03:58:06 Description: A smile. A perfect smile. A patent pending smile, it's so perfect. Coming down the street. Traffic stops. Everyone swoons. It's him. Mister Hunktastic. The one and only. But man enough to be two... three... four... Five? No, that's silly. Ma...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #111 - One Updated: 2008-05-31 17:07:41 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Eleven, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was selected by me, and I went with One. The excellent theme...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #112 - Whiskey Updated: 2008-05-31 23:59:57 Description: The 100 word stories weekly challenge is where I post a topic and then you write and record a story based on that topic. Sounds simple, doesn't it? Topics are selected by the winner of the previous weekly challenge. This week reveals the triumphant...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Supersize Updated: 2008-06-01 12:13:47 Description: Ever try to Supersize a Happy Meal? I've tried it all around the world. Every single store they have on the face of the earth. I've been to every stinking one of them. And they just won't do it. It doesn't matter what language they speak there or ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Boatsman Updated: 2008-06-02 23:20:57 Description: Throughout the ages, the boatsman kept his fare the same: one soul, one coin. It didn't matter what kind of coin it was or how valuable it had been in the land of the living. He liked to collect coins. On the weekends, he showed off his vast coin ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Bard Updated: 2008-06-04 02:07:53 Description: We locked up the bard for his own safety. If the king heard these nonsense rhymes, he'd certainly cut off his head. I mean, here's an example of his madness: When an elephant coughs and sneezes. It bends and falls to all four kneeses. It wipes its...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Fistfucking The Platypus Updated: 2008-06-05 04:35:36 Description: I've read every overpriced advice book there is at the bookstore. Who Moved My Cheese? and Throwing The Elephant didn't help with my miserable job, meaningless life, and spiritual bankruptcy. I just got shit on more. So, I decided to write my own o...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Kuzo Updated: 2008-06-05 22:06:23 Description: Most sushi chefs won't go near a mermaid, but Kuzo will slice up any sea creature if the price is right. He retired rich after the Loch Ness Monster went missing, but Kuzo and basketball have a love/hate relationship. Especially when Vegas was invol...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Bulletproof Updated: 2008-06-07 05:57:04 Description: Someone who's ready to buy something right then and there has The Look. The salesman saw it on the customers he'd just finished demonstrating a high-end laptop to. So, any questions? he asked, snapping the laptop shut. How rugged is it? asked ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #112 - Whiskey Updated: 2008-06-07 15:25:09 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Twelve, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was selected by Elisson, and we went with Whiskey. The excel...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #113 - Purity Updated: 2008-06-07 19:23:22 Description: The 100 word stories weekly challenge is where I post a topic and then you write and record a story based on that topic. Sounds simple, doesn't it? Topics are selected by the winner of the previous weekly challenge. This week reveals the triumphant...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Rainbow Eyes Updated: 2008-06-09 01:53:01 Description: Every time Jesse blinks, her eyes change color. From blue to brown to green to yellow to red... Is it some kind of newfangled contact lenses? I ask. She laughs. I was hang gliding and flew through a rainbow, she said. Apparently, there's some...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Bunny Mafia Updated: 2008-06-10 04:00:47 Description: You want to know? Well, I'm dead either way, I might as well talk. You want to hear about The Bunny Mafia? I'll tell you about it. Yeah, I ran with the rabbits. Cooked books for the Five Hutches, trafficked in hookers. You know. Because they scre...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Wacky Adventures of Abraham Lincoln #85 Updated: 2008-05-16 15:42:06 Description: Abe finished the straw dummy, stripped off all his clothes, and started to dress the crudely-fashioned mannequin. General Grant, laying with his back to a tree stump, took a pull from his flask. "What are you doing, Abe?" "My mind is like a piece o...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #109 - Jimmy Buffet Updated: 2008-05-17 17:32:49 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Nine, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was selected by Thomas, who is going for broke with Jimmy Buffetmore... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Mailed It Updated: 2008-05-07 17:22:22 Description: When you can't be there for someone, sometimes you do the best you can with what you have. This wasn't much comfort to Sarah, but she didn't feel like wasting time complaining or getting angry over something she couldn't change. She kissed the slip...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Confession Updated: 2008-05-08 16:20:12 Description: Confession is good for the soul. And for the community, too. Every few nights, Max shows up with a bag of cash. It scares me to think what he's done to his wife and daughters this time. Over the years, we've renovated the church with that money. ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Willy Lied Updated: 2008-05-09 22:41:25 Description: Willy said that they'd come away unchanged and unharmed, but just a little wiser. Willy lied. The fat kid drowned in the fudge vats. They didn't bother scooping him out. Choppy-chop! The gum-chewer exploded into blueberry goo in the hallway. Gross...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #108 - Gold Updated: 2008-05-10 17:41:44 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Eight, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was selected by Planet Z, who is going for broke with... It's Gol...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Garage Door Updated: 2008-05-12 02:31:12 Description: Right after breakfast, when it's time to go to school, Danny does this trick - he hits the garage door button and then watches the garage door go down and down and down... When the time is just right, he runs for the garage door and rolls under it. ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD UFO Updated: 2008-05-12 21:14:59 Description: Hubert was bored, so he picked up a camera and hucked a pie tin through the air to make a UFO photograph. After sixteen reports to the FBI, they stopped taking his calls. Later that month, gigantic pie tins floated down from the sky and landed in H...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Telegraph Updated: 2008-05-13 17:29:09 Description: Somewhere in the basement of the records office, I swear, you could hear clicking. I dug around, opened up an old wooden crate, and found a telegraph key. As I held it up to the light, looking for some kind or label, the switch clacked. I nearly d...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Smells Updated: 2008-05-15 03:49:24 Description: There's a chemical factory somewhere in New Jersey that can make any smell or taste you need. Miles and miles of test tubes with lemon furniture polish, baked potato bubble gum, burning tire lip gloss. Everything can smell or taste like anything el...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Madman Updated: 2008-05-15 15:28:26 Description: We drag the madman out of the basement and let him loose in the back yard. The neighborhood kids squeal with joy and wave their butterfly nets. ONE! TWO! THREE! The madman hears the counting and remembers He needs to flee! NINE! TEN! ELEVEN!...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD She Wore Angry Updated: 2008-05-05 04:58:03 Description: There's some kinds of hate that wash off like dirt in the shower, and there's others that go deep that you can't dig it out without killing the wounded heart it's wrapped around. She wore Angry like a mask and Vengeance as a necklace, barbed wire ar...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Mark Brown Updated: 2008-05-06 02:46:55 Description: Mark Brown. Spoiled rotten rich kid. The worst bully in the entire school. He pushed kids down the stairs. Nobody ever stopped him. One day, he tried to push me down the stairs. But I saw him coming and ducked to the side. Mark lost his balance...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Ask A Grampa Updated: 2008-05-06 19:17:22 Description: All the ATMs are gone. These days, whenever you need money, just ask a Grampa for it. Hell pull out his roll of bills, licks his thumb, and gives you one last look before he peels off what you need. Need to deposit your cash? Just give it to a Gr...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #107 - The Chair Updated: 2008-05-04 00:29:06 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Seven, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was selected by Craig from Wash The Bowl, who is going for broke with...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #108 - Gold Updated: 2008-05-04 01:49:05 Description: The 100 word stories weekly challenge is where I post a topic and then you write and record a story based on that topic. Sounds, simple, doesn't it? Topics are selected by the winner of the previous weekly challenge. This week reveals the triumphan...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Customer Updated: 2008-05-01 15:29:36 Description: You know the phrase The Customer Is Always Right? Bullshit. This guy is an asshole. For years, he's been plaguing me with stupid questions, begging for me to help him, screaming that he's losing thousands of dollars because of me. It's because he'...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Exile Updated: 2008-05-03 01:48:03 Description: Forget cruises or eco-hikes. This summer, going into exile is all the rage. A good travel agent can put the whole package together. A military coup. The Swiss bank accounts. That midnight flight to... Well, whatever country will take you. Bribes ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Six Iron Updated: 2008-04-17 15:11:23 Description: What the hells that racket? growls the boss. Its not a racket, I say. Joes been beating the copier with a five iron. The boss tells me to make Joe stop, so I head for the copier room. Joes got a five iron in his hands, and hes beating the c...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Hit The Road, Jack Updated: 2008-04-19 00:44:11 Description: It was time for Jack to go. Jack liked where he was, but when it's time, it's time. He packed his things. They all fit in a single cardboard box. Jack never owned more than he could pack in a single cardboard box. If he ever bought anything, he'd...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #105 - Taboo Updated: 2008-04-19 18:32:15 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Five, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was selected by Evamoon, who is going for broke with... It's Taboo...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #106 - Cereal Updated: 2008-04-19 19:19:09 Description: The 100 word stories weekly challenge is where I post a topic and then you write and record a story based on that topic. Sounds, simple, doesn't it? Topics are selected by the winner of the previous weekly challenge. This week reveals the triumphan...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Rails Updated: 2008-04-20 23:49:07 Description: It's been fifty years since a train last came through here. Still, the villagers keep the tracks clear, the rails rust-free, and they replace the wood ties every few years. They think if they keep the tracks ready, a train will come some day. If ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Island Updated: 2008-04-21 16:33:30 Description: The island isn't on any maps. Well, okay. It appears on one map: mine. It's off the trade routes. I only found it because of a freak storm that blew me ashore here. It doesn't even have a name. Want to name it? No rush. We won't be here long, an...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Tracks Updated: 2008-04-23 05:08:44 Description: They say that countries used different gage tracks for their railroads so that enemy trains couldn't invade without changing wheels. That took time, delaying them long enough for enough defensive forces to arrive. I walk through the railroad museum...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Call To Dinner Updated: 2008-04-24 05:15:09 Description: Jeremiah beats the triangle with a metal rod and calls us to dinner. The table is piled high with all sorts of dishes he's prepared for us. How he manages such feasts, we have no idea. He doesn't let us in his kitchen, and the only time we see the ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Axe Murderer Updated: 2008-04-25 01:00:09 Description: The judge banged his gavel and called the court to order. Fred Axemurderer, you are charged with two counts of first degree murder. How do you plead? A blood-soaked figure in overalls and a hockey mask stood up. Well, let's see, he said. You ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Magic Touch Updated: 2008-04-26 04:29:40 Description: Dumped. Again. I'm a lesbian, she said. Dan looked back at his past few girlfriends and realized that each and every one of them was now a lesbian. A few phone calls confirmed the truth: every one of them was a lesbian, all the way back to his f...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #106 - Cereal Updated: 2008-04-26 19:43:03 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Six, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was selected by Caleb, who is going for broke with... It's Cerealmore... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #107 - The Chair Updated: 2008-04-27 01:41:37 Description: The 100 word stories weekly challenge is where I post a topic and then you write and record a story based on that topic. Sounds, simple, doesn't it? Topics are selected by the winner of the previous weekly challenge. This week reveals the triumphan...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Diapers Updated: 2008-04-28 04:58:10 Description: I heard the punchline from someone today, so forgive me if they might have lifted it from somewhere, okay? Kids. They're so confusing. All the things you have to do to babyproof your house are they sick are they not sick and so on. It's enough t...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Daphne's Missing Weekly Challenge Story Updated: 2008-04-28 05:07:06 Description: She, um, sent it to the wrong address. Oops. Here it is, eh: Because the Zombies still need to eat, food is readily available, if you can get to the surface to steal some. So when we can, we grab as much as possible and store it in the cooler d...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Things Updated: 2008-04-29 03:34:18 Description: You're new around here, aren't you? I guess I'm the one to break the news to you. Strange things wash up on the beach at night. Locals know better but there's warning signs for out of towners. There's also chain link fences. We don't bother with...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Penguins Updated: 2008-04-30 04:08:07 Description: Doubledown Tandino sent me a really cool personalized track that inspired this odd tale. Many thanks to Brad/DD, and here's the story... I'm sitting at home, reading a book. There's a knock at the door. I get up, walk to the door, and open it. ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Love In An Elevator Updated: 2008-04-30 20:26:40 Description: John was moving out of the building soon. The security system told the elevator, and she was heartbroken. She didnt want to lose him. She loved how he touched her. Every time the call button on his floor was pressed, shed race there so shed be ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Back In The Bottle Updated: 2008-04-16 17:21:48 Description: They say you cant put the genie back in the bottle. This is not true First, you have to club the genie in the back of the head, knocking them unconscious. Then, slit their throat with a knife. Cut them up into smallish pieces that will fit in an...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Box Updated: 2008-04-15 20:26:43 Description: I open my eyes. Its dark. I close my eyes. Its dark. I blink them a few times. No difference. Its dark. All I remember is standing here in the dark. Nothing before that. I feel my head. It feels wet sticky Is that blood? I stick a finge...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Blowtorch Updated: 2008-04-10 14:19:01 Description: Molly says that the blowtorch had a label that said FOR ALL AGES but I think its a misprint. If they thought it was dangerous, it would say KEEP OUT OF THE REACH OF CHILDREN, wouldnt it? she said. I guess so, I say. But not everything thats...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Wash Your Hands Updated: 2008-04-11 20:08:03 Description: The sign on the bathroom door says that all employees must wash their hands before returning to work. Lefty McGinty just looks at the sign, clacks his hooks together, and goes back to his desk. He writes up memoes using speech recognition software,...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #104 - Zombies Updated: 2008-04-12 18:21:43 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Four, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was selected by , who is going for broke with... It's Zombies....more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #105 - Taboo Updated: 2008-04-12 21:18:47 Description: The 100 word stories weekly challenge is where I post a topic and then you write and record a story based on that topic. Sounds, simple, doesn't it? Topics are selected by the winner of the previous weekly challenge. This week reveals the triumphan...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Kids Updated: 2008-04-13 22:36:58 Description: The children play in the woods despite our warning them repeatedly it's not safe out there. The kids say they're safe. Don't worry about us. We're fine. Kids can be stupid. Henderson came up with a plan to knock some sense into them. We all put o...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Wacky Adventures of Abraham Lincoln #84 Updated: 2008-04-14 20:44:32 Description: In honor of the anniversary of Abraham Lincoln's assassination, I got off my ass and finished one of these draft posts languishing in my spike file... President Abraham Lincoln toiled in the White House kitchen most nights, well past the break of ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Two Balls, No Outs Updated: 2008-04-09 18:16:20 Description: Spring is here, and that can only mean one thing Baseball. Its something you cant experience through the television or the radio. Go to the park. Buy peanuts and beer. Root, root for the home team. And then, you head for the bathroom, take of...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Wakeup Stories Updated: 2008-04-08 03:26:11 Description: Most parents tell their kids bedtime stories, but Joe, he told his kids wakeup stories. Happened every morning. First, they'd get themselves a good night's sleep. Then, when the sun came up, they'd open their eyes, and they'd see their dad, sitting ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Torch Updated: 2008-04-09 04:17:07 Description: Damn Chinks killing the shit out of Tibetans pissed off a bunch of folks, so they went after the Olympic Torch with water buckets and fire extinguishers. I mean, how hard is it to put out a torch that some geeks in track suits are running all over ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Envelopes Updated: 2009-09-05 00:00:00 Description: Ted says that you can use your underwear twice by turning it inside out. That's good to know, Ted, I say. What's weird is that he does the same thing with envelopes. I didn't know that you could do that with envelopes, turning them inside out an...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #103 - Steamer Trunk Updated: 2008-04-05 14:46:23 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Three, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was selected by Daphne Abernathy, who is going for broke with... It'...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Crabs Updated: 2008-04-05 04:17:33 Description: I was walking along the beach when a swarm of crabs came out of the ocean and began walking in unusual geometric formations before my very eyes. Then, they stacked up in a pyramid, building up until the crab at the tippy top got in position, waving...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Memo Updated: 2008-03-29 05:50:00 Description: Everybody who reads the secret memo dies. So, it's been filed away... deep in the archives... locked in a filing cabinet... which is locked in a closet... which is in a locked room... accessible only by locked stairs... and the door to the stairs is...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #102 - Nightingale Updated: 2008-03-29 14:27:40 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Two, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was selected by Steven the Nuclear Man. It's Nightingale. The ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD One Block Away Updated: 2008-03-30 16:00:37 Description: I work in the Theater District. There are events going on all the time in this area. And yet, Ive gone to so few of them. I pulled up each venues calendar and looked over the past few months of events. I missed a touring Broadway show I wanted t...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Hippos Updated: 2008-03-31 20:22:43 Description: I dont know who I can trust with this, but things have been really weird the past few weeks. When Im with my friends, all of the sudden, they turn into hippopotamuses. Yes. Hippopotamuses. Gigantic grey beasts with huge mouths, eating straw and w...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD New Beginnings Updated: 2008-04-01 22:47:03 Description: After your funeral, I met with the representative from the hospital. They had the malpractice settlement ready for me. All I had to do was sign my life away. So I did, and swallowed the pill from the Hemlock Society. It tastes like... strawberries...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Great Invention Updated: 2008-04-02 22:57:14 Description: Dr. Timothy Bleary was one of the Hallowed Names in gastroenterology in the 1960s. Among his many contributions to the field were diagnostic imaging technologies that allowed physicians, with minimally invasive procedures, to identify intestinal ai...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Making Ice Updated: 2008-04-03 02:58:39 Description: You know that old Polish joke about losing the recipe for ice? Well, that joke has my friend George Koslowski written all over it. Most folks, when they stick a tray full of water in the freezer, they pull out a tray full of ice. George, if he's n...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Every Five Minutes Updated: 2008-04-04 04:58:13 Description: Every five minutes, the strange man in the top hat pulls a lit candle out of his coat, bends over, and places it on the ground. He stands back up, and then waits. For five minutes. Then, he does it all over again. Where he's getting these candles...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Icing Updated: 2008-03-21 04:30:49 Description: Elroy bakes the best cakes in the city. People would pay dearly for these works of art. I once had the privilege to watch him in action... although it was hard to keep up with the blur of kitchen implements and cloud of ingredients whizzing around ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #101 - Life In The Sewer Updated: 2008-03-22 15:55:54 Description: Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And One, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was selected by JD White. It's Life In The Sewer. The excellen...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #102 - Nightingale Updated: 2008-03-23 01:42:05 Description: The 100 word stories weekly challenge is where I post a topic and then you write and record a story based on that topic. Sounds, simple, doesn't it? Topics are selected by the winner of the previous weekly challenge. This week reveals the triumphan...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Implants Updated: 2008-03-23 15:26:25 Description: How fast they grow up. My little girl, Lisa, wants neural implants. All the kids at school have them, why can't she? When her mother and I were kids, we had to wait until we were grown up to get them. Now, the school system pushes the kids harder...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Trademark Updated: 2008-03-25 05:47:02 Description: In all the signals the aliens sent us, there was never a harsh word or a profanity uttered. Completely friendly. It wasn't until their delegation landed and their people walked around did we realize it was going to be an issue. You see, in their l...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Hive Queen Updated: 2008-03-26 01:54:10 Description: Ambassador Grindmar's report to the Hive Queen was positive: the negotiations were going well, and peace would come at an insignificant price, easily made up for with future mutual trade and growth. Where is Grindmar now? asked the Queen. He body...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Yorick Updated: 2008-03-26 22:25:05 Description: The old jester imagined that he would be telling jokes in court to laughing royalty, screwing maids in the barn, and dining on the best of what the castle's kitchen had to offer. Instead, he had a mouth full of mud and his back ached from the weight...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Dancing Goddess Updated: 2008-03-28 02:20:32 Description: When the Goddess begins to dance, people from all around will gather by the shore and watch her move in the tide with such grace and beauty. They drop everything and sway in the evening mist. Mothers let their babies slip from their grasp and fall ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Whole World Updated: 2008-03-22 05:33:16 Description: I get so afraid of the world sometimes. The whole damn world. When the fear gets to be too much, I crawl into bed and pull the covers up to my chin. Then, I just lay there, not even moving my eyes. I am as still as a statue. The shadows close in...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Icing Updated: 2008-03-21 04:30:49 Description: Elroy bakes the best cakes in the city. People would pay dearly for these works of art. I once had the privilege to watch him in action... although it was hard to keep up with the blur of kitchen implements and cloud of ingredients whizzing around ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Beautiful Teeth Updated: 2008-03-17 12:03:26 Description: I have the most beautiful teeth. White, smooth, and perfectly even. They are marvelous and precise, a wonder to behold. My gums, however, are disgusting. Blood and ragged, like a horrendously ugly frame around an exquisite work of art. "How can ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Spaceman Updated: 2008-03-19 04:33:21 Description: He said he was a spaceman and that he'd come a long way to visit Earth. I shook his hand and welcomed him to our planet. He thanked me, took off his helmet, and looked around. It looks a lot different since the last time I was here, he said. H...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Dripping Updated: 2008-03-19 22:42:56 Description: Three angels were meditating upon a leaky faucet in God's kitchen. The first was inspired to write a symphony based on the dripping of the water and the violence of it crashing against the basin. The second painted a wonderful painting, capturing t...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Vacuum Updated: 2008-03-16 22:21:07 Description: Milton has one of those vacuums with the clear tube that sucks all the dirt into, and you can watch it spin around like a tornado. So, he throws things on the floor just to vacuum them up. Yesterday, he tried to do it with popcorn, but it got all j...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Spider Updated: 2008-03-07 05:56:50 Description: I'm watching a spider climb up the side of this fence. This is fascinating. It extends each leg, one by one, and pulls itself along. It's graceful, smooth like walking your fingers up the board. But with a spider. More legs. For five minutes, ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Salad Life Updated: 2008-03-08 05:16:31 Description: Before he made monsters, Dr. Frankenstein started with trying to bring salads to life. At first, he thought that he needed different varieties of lettuce, but in the end he was thoroughly convinced that sliced radishes were the secret. Time and tim...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #99 - Hemorrhage Updated: 2008-03-08 18:59:52 Description: Welcome to the Ninety-Ninth Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was selected by Elisson of Blog d'Elisson. It's Hemorrhage. The excellent th...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Mouth of Money Updated: 2008-03-10 03:35:01 Description: Wanna see something cool? Put a five dollar bill in Fred's mouth, and he can spit out a hundred nickels. No. Really. Try it. The guy's got a magical mouth or something. Same goes for a dollar bill. He'll spit out a hundred pennies. What about a ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Back In The Day Updated: 2008-03-11 02:48:33 Description: Back in the day, Batman would be all over the place, battling villains, busting capers, and solving crimes. Then, one day, instead of coming up with an elaborate way to kill Batman that he could escape from, The Joker stabbed him in the heart with a...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD In Mourning Updated: 2008-03-11 18:40:02 Description: When Matata took ill, Hakuna went into mourning, calling out and searching vainly for her sister. I thought of the familiar passage from Jeremiah: A voice is heard on high, wailing, bitter weeping; Rachel weeps for her children, she refuses to be co...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Electro the Magnificent Updated: 2008-03-11 22:56:04 Description: Electro the Magnificent ran everything for almost a thousand years. Every decision was made by this amazing and powerful electronic brain. Even Electro's critics found it to be perfectly capable of responding to all problems with a fair solution. ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Strange Request Updated: 2008-03-12 18:40:44 Description: It took just one tranquilizer dart to knock it down. She wrestled its slick, wet body back to the car, hoping she could get the job done before it woke up. She would use the laundry room sink, she decided. The bathroom sink was too small. It was a ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Toaster Affair Updated: 2008-03-12 20:44:34 Description: Shes been buying a lot of bread lately. Two, three loaves a week. Then, this week, ten. And the weeks not over yet. Know what I think? I think shes having an affair with the toaster. Not that I blame her. Its a really, really nice toaster. S...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Violent Pizza Updated: 2008-03-13 17:14:24 Description: Inspired by Mikeypod. My friend Mikey is one of those political vegans. He orders what he calls non-violent foods, made from healthy ingredients that dont come from exploiting farm animals. Today, hes at a bistro ordering a non-violent pizza ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Bank Statement Updated: 2008-03-13 18:41:26 Description: The elegantly-attired stranger strode to the counter and smiled at the receptionist, his cape swirling about his shoulders. Welcome to Hammer Ridge Blood Bank, sir. How may we assist you? I vhould like to make... a withdrawal. Certainly, sir....more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Left Behind Updated: 2008-03-15 00:09:44 Description: I watch from my twisted prison, two birds soaring over the water, free to ride the breezes. They are the craftsman, Daedalus, and his son, Icarus. Escaping Knossos on wings of feathers, wood and wax. They are abandoning me, and I howl with rage. I...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #100 - Cake Updated: 2008-03-15 15:23:33 Description: Welcome to the One Hundredth Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. (If you're curious, this is episode #1,402 of this podcast. 1,514 - 96 - 16 - 1 = 1,402) The topic this...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Keep a little bit of fog Updated: 2008-03-05 04:26:00 Description: Jackie keeps a little bit of fog in a jar on her kitchen shelf, and she watches it swirl around from time to time. How she captured it in there, I don't know, but I'm sure it wants out from the way it lashes against the glass. Don't let it go, sh...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Dictator Updated: 2008-02-27 17:14:12 Description: The townspeople got word that the countrys dictator, after many years of ruling with an iron fist, had died overnight. There were celebrations, cries of freedom, and they threw together an effigy of Old General Montcastle for burning. Then, they l...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Put Em On The Glass Updated: 2008-02-28 18:32:15 Description: Arnold requested that they put his name on the door to his office, but the office manager kept declining it. So, hed write his name in dry-erase marker on the glass door. The janitor would come by after hours and wipe the glass clean. This went o...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Band In A Box Updated: 2008-03-01 14:28:24 Description: Somebody showed me Band In A Box. Just set up a looping track, set the key and the beat, and you're ready to play or sing along. It really works. Until this morning, that is. I pushed the button and nothing happened. My virtual bassist caught a ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #98 - At my funeral Updated: 2008-03-01 20:47:33 Description: Welcome to the Ninety-Eighth Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was selected by Tom from Footnote. It's At My Funeral. The excellent theme ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Best Ideas Updated: 2008-03-02 22:08:22 Description: I get my best ideas in the bathroom. You too? Yeah. So, I like to keep a notepad in there. But today, I totally forgot a pen. No, I wasn't going to write anything using something... gross. Ewwwwww. I tried to repeat my great idea over and over ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Closing Windows Updated: 2008-03-03 18:40:12 Description: Y'all may have been wondering why there wasn't a story from Elisson this past Weekly challenge. You know, looking back, the first person I called when Edloe died was Steve. I wanted to let him know that the cat he'd gone on pilgrimage for to visit ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD For The Birds Updated: 2008-02-26 19:34:45 Description: Ever sit down in a restaurant, and you hear people babbling in another language, and you just know its about you? Im that way with birds. I think among the chirps and tweets and caws and trills, theyre talking about me. I grabbed a bird off of a...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #97 - Mufaletta and Navel Lint Updated: 2008-02-23 18:17:54 Description: Welcome to the Ninety-Seventh Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was selected by Elisson and Caleb. It's Mufaletta and Navel Lint. T...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Sign Here Updated: 2008-02-25 05:49:52 Description: Nobody notices as she slips in through the back door, silent as a whisper. Everybody's busy getting ready for the last scene, shoving props around. Costume changes. She recognizes a few of the actors and gets out her autograph book. Excuse me, s...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Best Tea Updated: 2008-02-26 00:13:14 Description: Back in WW1, as our boys fought the Kaiser, we made sure they were provided with the best. The best guns. The best uniforms. The best food. And, most of all, the best tea. Now, conditions weren't always the best, and it's hard to transport millions...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Belt Updated: 2008-02-22 15:25:01 Description: Mother likes it when we come to dinner, especially when I bring the kids. When dinner is over and Dad loosens his belt, I see something in Moms eyes. Shes afraid. Sometimes, shed call me at the strangest times. Early. Late. But when I ask her ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Punisher Updated: 2009-09-05 00:00:00 Description: The Mystic Sisters have a good racket going. One's a punisher for hire, taking clients down into her dungeon and beating them within an inch of their lives. A few days later, they see the fortune-teller sister, the one who read bruises instead of p...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Bowling Alley Updated: 2008-02-17 17:24:11 Description: A neighborhood only gets a movie theater when people there go to the movies so often, some chain finds profit bringing the movies to them instead of making those folks drive an hour or two. Its not the same with bowling alleys. Those chains use sat...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Way With Words Updated: 2008-02-18 16:30:01 Description: Felixs novels were a War Crime against Literature. So, for these crimes, he was banished to the circle of despised Literary Critics. He didnt just have a way with words he had his way with words. In the worst possible way, in the back of his unm...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Butter River Updated: 2008-02-19 15:36:27 Description: In the morning, we walk to the river of melted butter that runs through our village. Others are already there, waiting for the Buttermaster to proclaim the river clean. He inspects the flow, confirms that our upstream neighbors are still neighborly...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Heartless Updated: 2008-02-20 16:46:53 Description: The kidnappers sent Julius one of Ednas toes, but he still had trouble rounding up the ransom. Time was running out for Edna. The deadline was Valentines Day, and theyd threatened to cut out her heart. I wont bore you with the details, but thin...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Jersey Girl Updated: 2008-02-15 21:10:41 Description: Shirley the Mermaid had been around. She'd seen everything. She and the girls were getting their nails done when they talked about their first times. The first time Shirley saw a human, she swam after it for a closer examination. It looked like a ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #96 - Steampunk Updated: 2008-02-16 17:24:30 Description: Welcome to the Ninety-Sixth Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was selected by Elisson. It's Steampunk The excellent theme music is by Guy ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Assembly Updated: 2008-02-13 14:49:38 Description: I like to walk through the drive through lane at the bank and ask for a loan for a car. Usually, I get a laugh, but one day that pneumatic tube machine wheezes and PLOMP! It lands on the hopper. I open it up, and theres a set of car keys. I pul...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD My Bloody Valentine Updated: 2008-02-14 14:42:08 Description: Five hours ago, this bum was using his pen knife to cut aluminum cans into hearts to give away on Valentines Day. Now, hes a bloody pulp under a bench. Some other bums beat him up for the aluminum cans, cashed them in for beer money. He could hav...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #95 - Worst Job and Storage Updated: 2008-02-09 19:27:55 Description: Welcome to the Ninety-Fifth Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was selected by Laieanna and Tom. It's Worst Job and Storage The exce...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Wilton Updated: 2008-02-10 14:05:35 Description: Where El Dorado was paved with gold, the town of Wilton is paved with cake. Gingerbread houses and frosting flowers line Angel Food Lane, their gumdrop mailboxes overflowing with letters written on coconut. In between classes, Wilton Elementary ser...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Wacky Adventures of Abraham Lincoln #82 Updated: 2008-02-11 18:09:21 Description: Abraham imagined himself a swashbuckler, hurling insults at Jefferson Davis as they slashed their cutlasses at each other. All around them, pirates cheering and shouting, fighting amongst themselves. Lincoln found himself caught up in the moment an...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Wacky Adventures of Abraham Lincoln #83 Updated: 2008-02-12 18:20:25 Description: Trapped in the kitchen with Mary Todd, Abe decided to make a souffl. After many failed attempts, he focused his chi and went back to the mixing bowl. Pour. Spread. Lift. Close. Wait. Then, just at the right moment, he reached into the oven to pul...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Dominos Updated: 2008-02-07 03:30:03 Description: Jackie set up dominos to run from one end of the state to the other, and she's ready to tip that first domino over. How he got all these dominos set up without any falling over or getting stolen, well, let's just say this state's proud of Jackie and...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Cello Player Updated: 2008-02-07 14:31:13 Description: Few things are certain in life. Most of all, of the things you can count on, I'm most certain that you'll never hear a chick say "Oh, yeah? Well, I'm fucking the cello player." Guitarists, singers, bass players. Even drummers, if you can imagine t...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Oscar Updated: 2008-02-08 15:37:34 Description: When I hear the phrase "Busier than a cat in a room full of rocking chairs" I remember Oscar. Used to stand up on his back feet and lean against the rocking chair until he tipped it over. Then, he'd climb up on the chair, sitting there with the pri...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Secretaries Updated: 2008-01-27 23:20:46 Description: When I have a choice, I'll always pick the ugly secretary. It's been my lifelong experience that pretty secretaries can get by on their wonderful looks, but ugly secretaries have to be good at what they do. It has also been my experience that prett...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Breaking Glass Updated: 2008-01-28 23:15:25 Description: Moishe was always breaking glass. Schlomo was always gluing glass pieces together to make beautiful art. Moishe and Schlomo were the perfect team. Sure, Schlomo needed Moishe, but Moishe needed Schlomo because Schlomo amazing glass artworks were b...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Iris Updated: 2008-01-29 22:22:26 Description: Just as some women light up a room, Iris scented up a room with her peculiar aroma. For some reason, Iris liked to spray herself with water from a handheld mister and then dust herself from head to toe with powdered cinnamon. She said that she lear...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Bad Blocks Updated: 2008-01-30 15:30:30 Description: I scan the memory, block by block, looking for errors. The scan is clear, but I know that there's a bad block in there. I run it again. Still clear. Then I shift the program to a different location. The exposed virus crawls block-by-block back un...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Shopping List Updated: 2008-01-31 23:25:08 Description: My shopping list is on the New York Times Bestseller's List. I don't know what happened, but I got a call from a reporter asking me questions about being an author, and I had no idea what was going on. Oprah, Good Morning America, Regis... they all...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Keyboard Shake Updated: 2008-02-01 12:54:47 Description: Ever turn your keyboard over and shake it? Usually, just hair and dust fall out. However, it's somewhat unusual for an living octopus to fall out. I carried the odd creature to the sink and filled the sink up with water. The octopus crawled aroun...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #94 - Pen and Ink Updated: 2008-02-02 14:14:35 Description: Welcome to the Ninety-Fourth Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was selected by Tom of Footnote. It's Pen and Ink The excellent theme music...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Banana In My Pocket Updated: 2008-02-03 22:58:34 Description: There is always a banana in my right jacket pocket. Every time I reach in there, I feel a banana is in there. I know this, because when I pull it out, I have a banana in my hand. And, sure enough, another banana appears in my pocket to replace it....more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Exchange Updated: 2008-02-04 23:11:39 Description: I'm a part of a teachers exchange program. These poor kids, living under brutal military occupation, right? Boy, was I wrong. One day, a gunman ran into the classroom and yelled something. The kids happily ran to the door and windows, making a hu...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Walls Updated: 2008-02-06 04:57:45 Description: When she's all alone, she talks to the walls. The North wall is her favorite. She could talk to it for hours about anything. And she does. The South wall has the window. When she and the North wall are on the outs, she talks to it, but loud enough ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Middle Stall Updated: 2008-01-21 19:59:07 Description: There are three stalls in the bathroom. After careful observation, Ive noticed that whenever Stanley uses the left one, he comes out the right one. And whenever he uses the right one, he comes out the left one. Stanley cant explain it. Its just ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Carried Away Updated: 2008-01-22 19:15:07 Description: I was doing a math problem the other night when I had to carry the seven. So, I did. Up the stairs and into the bedroom. I performed unspeakable acts upon that seven, things that would be illegal if I had done them in fourteen states. Then, I carr...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Burning Updated: 2008-01-24 00:33:05 Description: The townspeople burnt the old witch at the stake. She went up like a pile of kindling. They tossed her spellbooks on the flames. Spellbooks are just paper, so they burned quickly. Then they tossed her broom on the pyre. Big mistake. Brooms have a...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Fiddle Updated: 2008-01-25 04:35:57 Description: If hillbillies call a violin a fiddle, what do they call a cello? Truth is, hillbilly ain't seen no cellos never. But they always a first time. First time a hillbilly seen himself a cello, he thought it warn't nothin' but a big ol fiddle for a big ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Katy Can Updated: 2008-01-26 04:08:55 Description: If something's broken, Katy can fix it. Katy can fix anything. Bicycles. Lawnmowers. Machine guns. Just give it to her and leave her alone. At the last possible moment, when you're about ready to give up, she'll tap you on the shoulder and say it...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #93 - Hygenic Products Updated: 2008-01-26 16:10:42 Description: Welcome to the Ninety-Third Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was selected by Duckyfresh Watanabe. It's Hygenic Products The excellent the...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD George Updated: 2008-01-21 00:21:56 Description: George hated dogs. He hated the shit out of them. People were always telling their dogs to bark at him, or worse set their dogs loose on him. George spent an awful lot of his childhood running from dogs. Years later, in his research facility, Ge...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Space Program Updated: 2008-01-17 04:41:01 Description: You know all those monkeys and dogs they shot up into space in the Sixties? They never told the public the truth about those animals in the space program. But I will. Every time they fired up one of those monkeys up into the sky, a dog would come ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Moonshine Updated: 2008-01-17 16:38:38 Description: Nothing ever good comes out of a mason jar, my grandmother always says. And if you're drinking her special blend of moonshine out of one, well, she's absolutely right. What's stronger than a mule kicking you? An elephant? An ostrich? This shit kic...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Your Other Left Updated: 2008-01-18 20:32:47 Description: The road turned left. Macy turned right. They found her truck the next morning, smashed into a big oak tree. Macy was sitting in the bed of the pickup, smoking a cigarette through shattered teeth. The Sheriff asked her if she was alright. Macy l...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #92 - Candy Updated: 2008-01-19 20:41:40 Description: Welcome to the Ninety-Second Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was selected by Kelly Burt. It's Candy The excellent theme music is by Guy ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Does it snow? Updated: 2008-01-16 01:48:49 Description: It never snows in the colony. It never rains, either. We keep the environment stable. The crops like it that way, and we don't have to keep clothes around for seasons we don't have. Still, every year, kids keep asking about snow and rain they see o...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Little Muse Updated: 2008-01-14 21:18:46 Description: I know a girl who buys notebooks with a watercolor kitten in the corner of each page. She calls the kitten her little muse. Sometimes, the kitten will take an interest in what shes writing, romping among the words, chewing on commands, batting the ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Afraid Of Updated: 2008-01-12 02:28:07 Description: Susan was afraid to fly. You couldn't get her on an airplane, let alone anywhere near the airport. She'd scream in horror the moment a commercial played on television for an airline. Her life was an absolute wreck. Then, she went to the hospital f...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #91 - Clowns Updated: 2008-01-12 17:34:34 Description: Welcome to the Ninety-first Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was selected by Planet Z. It's Looking Back On 2008 The excellent theme musi...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Pyramid Sam Updated: 2008-01-14 05:38:24 Description: Pyramid Sam offers to take us on a tour of Giza for fifty bucks, the most authentic and comprehensive tour around, he says. That's way cheaper than the government guides. And he says it's the most authentic tour, which I'm not sure what he means. T...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD A Night On The Beach Updated: 2009-09-05 00:00:00 Description: I wake up and shake the sand from my shoes. This happens every morning. But I haven't been to the beach in years. Only in my dreams. Sometimes, there's driftwood in my hand, seaweed wrapped around my ankle. Salt in my hair from the ocean spray. ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Adoption Updated: 2008-01-10 05:44:10 Description: Once upon a time, there was a fluffy orange kitty that nobody wanted, so the people at the shelter brought him with them to a television station. He was so pretty and fluffy, the producer of that newscast begged to take him home with her. He loved ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #90 - Looking Back On 2008 Updated: 2008-01-05 18:57:51 Description: Welcome to the ninetieth Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was selected by Caleb Bullen. It's Looking Back On 2008 The excellent theme mus...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Jacob Updated: 2008-01-07 03:41:47 Description: Jacobs violin was the pride of Minsk. But that didnt matter, because the Nazis put everyone on the trains. The commander of the camp was also from Minsk, and he knew of Jacob. He commanded him to play for the officers during dinner. Jacob refused...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Monster Under The Bed Updated: 2008-01-08 02:28:49 Description: Every kid has a monster under the bed, but I'm grown up now. And yet, right under our bed, there's a monster. No, not the orange fluffy cat down here. His grabbing at ankles and biting hands trying to pet him are behind him now. He's sleeping, or....more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Delays Updated: 2008-01-08 18:47:26 Description: Through the tears, the sky glistens like the clouds are coated with glass dust, spread across a smear of powder blue. Beyond, stars twinkle in the darkness. You cant see them during the day, but theyre out there, all around us, a snapshot from ten...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD On TV Updated: 2008-01-04 05:03:10 Description: The cable company sent a new lineup card in the mail. So, we told the television to scan channels, and two minutes later it finished. There's more stations in Spanish, shopping channels and religious channels. You know, the junk you never watch. ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Scissors Updated: 2008-01-05 02:43:04 Description: Hi, my name is Roy. I have a pair of scissors. They're big sharp scissors, with thick plastic handles. Hold them up, and they look like eyes. Open the scissors and it looks like a bird's beak. Or a mouth. I open and close the scissors, and it loo...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD First Christmas Updated: 2007-12-25 15:37:54 Description: We were heading back to the office when we blew a temporal stabilizer and had to drop back into the time stream for repairs. Itll take at least an hour, said Murphy. Its been six. While were waiting for the system to reboot, we broke out the ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Wrapping Paper Updated: 2007-12-27 04:25:59 Description: When you're done unwrapping your gifts, what do you do with the wrapping paper? It's going to end up as landfill, you know. Even if the paper was recycled, it's going to end up in a landfill now. All sorts of bright inks, shiny paper... it's going ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Crawling Updated: 2007-12-27 13:51:42 Description: Once, when I was having a weird day at work, I spent the whole day crawling. I was crawling along the hall, meeting with people, making copies, and getting some filing done. A lot of people asked if I was looking for something or if I needed help...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Calling For Volunteers With Pretty Voices Updated: 2007-12-27 22:30:30 Description: Since it appears I have the rest of 2007 off from work due to a glitch in Paid Time Off calculations, I figure I should use that time unwisely and unproductively. So, I'd like to assemble an End Of The Year podcast of unique and deranged proportions...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Cool Santa Updated: 2007-12-28 16:15:25 Description: Caleb ponders the true meaning of Santa. Every year at this time on December 26th Santa has to go back into the cryogenic freezing chamber till its time to thaw him out to deliver the presents again. He begs and pleads to be allowed just one more...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Up A Tree Updated: 2007-12-28 16:26:23 Description: I was walking home one evening when I saw a kid sitting by a tree and crying. I stopped and knelt by the kid. Why are you crying? I asked him. My cat is caught up the tree, he whined. I started to climb the tree, but he yelled for me to come ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #89 - Nutcracker Updated: 2007-12-29 15:33:27 Description: Welcome to the eighty-ninth Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was selected by Hedgie Till. It's Nutcracker The excellent theme music is by...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Windup Cupcake Updated: 2007-12-30 16:06:17 Description: She knew I was coming, so she baked me a cake. She's baking me a windup cupcake, my favorite kind of cupcake. Watchmaker and confectionist, lover and friend. It's in the oven, baking. Can you smell it? It's good. If you listen closely, you can ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD My First Midnight Updated: 2008-01-01 01:14:47 Description: The first time I saw midnight, it was New Year's Eve. Well, sort of. It was really nine or nine thirty. Later than my bedtime, but still, not the real midnight time for New Year's for Chicago . My mom had moved the clock forward so it looked like e...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Calendars Updated: 2008-01-02 03:21:13 Description: Okay, so you got a bunch of calendars for Christmas and you don't know which to use when the New Year rolls around, right? Well, you could use them all, but that would cover all your walls. And windows. And floors. And ceilings. And- You get the po...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Happy Pie Updated: 2008-01-03 03:15:16 Description: It was an ordinary pumpkin pie, fresh from the bakery. We were finished with the roast beef, so it was time for dessert. Victor grabbed the can of whipped cream and added two dots for eyes and a long curled smile. That's when it became the happy p...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Elbow Job Updated: 2007-12-19 15:18:09 Description: Its hard to keep a secret. Some women, theyre good at giving head, but have you heard about the one who gives great elbow? Of course not. Nobody ever says She gives great elbow. Thats crazy, right? Well, if youve ever gotten great elbow, you...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Wild West Bar Updated: 2007-12-20 15:38:26 Description: If you ever find yourself in a wild west bar, the last thing you want to ask the piano player for is Madonnas Borderline. Sure, her baby is pushing her love over the borderline, but theres no need to start a fight over it. People have gotten ki...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Hawaiian Shirt Day Updated: 2007-12-21 15:23:20 Description: Joey never played along with Hawaiian Shirt Friday at work. Everybody else was as colorful as the rainbow, but Joey kept wearing the same button-down suits he wore every other day. Joey, its Hawaiian Shirt Friday today, said his boss. Come on, ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #88 - Christmas Updated: 2007-12-22 16:05:17 Description: Welcome to the eighty-eighth Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was selected by Santa Claus. It's Christmas The excellent theme music is by...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Say It Updated: 2007-12-24 00:34:50 Description: What is it? I guess the best way to say something is just to say it. The longer you think about it, the more likely you'll try to come up with ways of saying something else, and then you eventually don't say what you need to say at all. And that's...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Dunstan The Unstable Existentialist Updated: 2007-12-24 16:05:06 Description: As I sit by the fire, reading Sartre in my Kierkegaard Underoos, I ponder the meaning of life. Then, I realize. Life exists, whether it has meaning or not. It is an end to itself, regardless if I am consciously observing it. Anything else would be ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Speakers Updated: 2007-12-16 15:41:40 Description: Ever have one of those weekends when everything goes totally wrong? I download some music, I click on the Play button, but I couldnt hear any sound. I turned the speakers on and off, but still, no sound. Then I messed with the device settings in ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Drummer Boy Updated: 2007-12-18 01:41:26 Description: I played my drum for him. I played my best for him. Did he like it? Did he smile? No. He cried! He cried like a shrieking pig! Why the hell was I playing a drum for a kid in a barn, surrounded by goats and camels and rats? You don't play drums f...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Joy Of Work Updated: 2007-12-18 18:11:30 Description: The biggest joy of this new office is the fact that it takes me less time to get here and a lot less time to get home. Sure, I used to read on the bus or listen to music or nap. But now, I can spend that time the way I want to. No more rushing th...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD First Encounter Updated: 2007-12-16 16:57:30 Description: Clark Kent was on his way home from another frustrating Friday night football game. He had had to watch, seething, as Lana Lang was pawed by half the members of Smallville Highs football squad. The worst part was, she ate it up. And knowing that, a...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD He lives on Elephant Street Updated: 2007-12-12 21:19:47 Description: Mother told me to look both ways before crossing the street. To the left, I saw an elephant. It looked sad and lonely. To the right, I saw a jolly minstrel being attacked by kids with rocks. He looked frustrated at the abuse. So I tell the minstre...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Mad King Updated: 2007-12-13 21:21:55 Description: King Rasmussen The Mad For centuries, that name has haunted us. If you listen carefully, you can still hear his living corpse shout and scream bloody murder from within his ruined castle. Trapped inside a warlocks time-bubble, his dying moment ha...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Cucumber Updated: 2007-12-14 17:19:30 Description: The doctor told me it was either lose weight or lose my life. So forget the potato chips, folks - I'm on a diet. It's all vegetable snacks for me: carrots, celery, snow peas, and lots and lots of cucumber. Sure, it's not easy to carry these things...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #87 - Time Travel Updated: 2007-12-15 17:17:45 Description: Welcome to the eighty-seventh Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was selected by Tony Folino. It's Time Travel The excellent theme music is...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Sleepy Time Updated: 2007-12-08 05:20:09 Description: It's sleepy time, but I don't want to go to sleep. I want to think about strange things all night long and write them down. Really strange things. Like, did you know that you can't hide behind Swiss cheese? People looking for you can see right th...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #86 - Snow Updated: 2007-12-08 17:18:48 Description: Welcome to the eighty-sixth Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was selected by Stuart Warf. It's Snow The excellent theme music is by Guy D...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Screaming Updated: 2007-12-09 19:45:59 Description: We landed on the planets other moon and felt a strange vibration on our helmets. Do you hear screaming? asks the captain. We sit and listen. It sounds like every child on the moon is screaming at the top of his lungs. Except the moons uninha...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Filthy Updated: 2007-12-10 15:22:56 Description: The kitchen was positively, absolutely filthy. Dishes piled up to the ceiling. Rats chewing on open boxes of instant pasta in the corner. And the stove, well, I won't tell you about the stove. It was so repulsive, not even the rats would go near t...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Sweet Potato Fries Updated: 2007-12-12 01:38:07 Description: There's some thing special about sweet potato fries. I'm sure you've eaten mountains and mountains of ordinary fries. Even dipped them in all sorts of stuff ketchup, mustard, and even mayonnaise like in that movie. But no matter how you get them ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Miracle Updated: 2007-12-07 05:01:05 Description: The Temple was theirs again. After much celebrating and giving thanks, it was discovered that there was only enough sacred oil to light the lamps for 1 day. Somehow, that oil ended up lasting eight days. Yeah, that's the Hanukkah Miracle. Ever tr...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Broken Notes Updated: 2007-12-03 15:54:38 Description: Walters saxophone was tired of screaming out the same, broken notes every night. Practice makes perfect, but in Walters case, it just made more noise. And it made Walters saxophone utterly miserable. One day, Walter tried to take the saxophone ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Haunts Me Updated: 2007-12-05 00:39:33 Description: My little girl was shrieking. Confused. Her back legs were limp. She fell off the bed, dragging herself. Scared beyond description. I called my wife, called a cab, got dressed. Got her into a carrier and out the door. The emergency clinic said it...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Trucks Updated: 2007-12-05 13:57:57 Description: Around the clock, the trucks keep coming across the border. The ones heading North are full of dirt and rocks. The ones heading South are also full of dirt and rocks, but it's different dirt and rocks. We're not sure why Canada and Mexico are send...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Parts Are Greater Than The Sum Updated: 2007-12-02 17:16:14 Description: The Trillionaire's Wife rinsed off the regeneration jelly. She knew perfection was waiting in the mirror. Again. The automatic surgical tank began to speak, but she ignored the report. She didn't care anymore. But her servants did. And they told t...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Shuffling The Deck Updated: 2007-11-30 18:54:42 Description: One by one, the head of every major religion has died. Pope, Archbishop of Canterbury, Dalai Lama, Chief Rabbi, several of the Grand Muftis all of them. People think there's a pattern, but nobody's come up with an answer. I have: God's shufflin...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #85 - Naked Twister Updated: 2007-12-01 23:52:40 Description: Welcome to the eighty-fifth Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was selected by Houston Keys. It's Naked Twister The excellent theme music i...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #86 - Snow Updated: 2007-12-02 03:46:35 Description: The 100 word stories weekly challenge is where I post a topic and then you write and record a story based on that topic. Sounds, simple, doesn't it? Topics are selected by the winner of the previous weekly challenge. This week, it's Stuart Warf for...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Broadway Updated: 2007-11-26 16:33:55 Description: The house was packed. Every critic in New York was there, circling like sharks. So when two minutes to curtain the propmaster shouts FRANKS DEAD! I thought ohmigodtotaldisastershitshitshit. What do we do? hissed Sally, my lead. Run with it! I ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Hand Holding Updated: 2007-11-27 17:11:36 Description: We arent allowed to talk to ourselves. We cant even whisper to ourselves anymore. Theyll hear us. We have to draw on each others hand, letter by letter, to let us know how we feel. How were doing. How were hanging on. Barely. We are one, but ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Flying To Peru Updated: 2007-11-28 17:40:48 Description: I cant remember if its starve a cold or feed a fever, but Im quite sure that neither is cured by flying to Peru. Are you sure about this? I asked my doctor. What, you want to get a second opinion? he said. Sure enough, the other doctor look...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The City So Nice, They Named It Four Times Updated: 2007-11-29 20:25:37 Description: Loud guitars and tickertape greet our hero, back from a moon mission. Or is he a baseball player that set some record? Nobody knows anymore. Motorcade stops at City Hall, everybody piles out. More cheering, more guitars, more tickertape. The may...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Dumping Grounds Updated: 2007-11-25 16:14:10 Description: Spend enough time in the emergency room and youll forget that people arent always bleeding, screaming, or dead. Kinda sucks sometimes. Its especially bad when someone wakes up and youre there all of the sudden, lights and smells and noise. Wha...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Level Playing Field Updated: 2007-11-18 16:00:22 Description: All of the headstones are flush with the ground, which has been flattened to allow for quick and easy lawn maintenance. The groundskeepers are supposed to collect up the flowers and flags and candles and other items left behind, but they never do. ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Landscape Of Dorian Grey Updated: 2007-11-19 15:50:13 Description: As we back across Dorian's perfect lawn, like a plush green carpet, we stop to admire its beauty. The eternally young monster lay in a pile of dust in his foyer, shown his accursed painting, but outside in the fresh air... the grass... the grass... ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Angry Planet Updated: 2007-11-20 15:21:55 Description: Feel the ground? I feel another tremor coming. You know, I don't think this planet likes us all that much. The landing should have been smooth, but that turbulence was downright wicked nasty. Came out of nowhere, slammed the living daylights out o...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Holiday Decorations Updated: 2007-11-21 21:08:21 Description: Don't believe everything you see in the movies, kid. These ghosts in the dining room were a part of our Halloween celebration. Seems it's pretty easy to twist ghosts out of phase with the netherworld and bring them into ours. Spooky, aren't they? ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Thankskilling Updated: 2007-11-22 14:40:57 Description: We're releasing the Thanksgiving Virus into the water supply tonight. It's a pretty simple virus: it kills anybody who hasn't eaten cranberries in the past 24 hours. I mean, all these illegal aliens coming from all over, destroying our traditions ,...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Secrets Kept Updated: 2007-11-24 04:18:05 Description: My grandmother always said that there's no such thing as a shared secret. Either you keep a secret, or it's not a secret anymore. Some secrets are worth killing over. Especially if someone knows that secret and they're threatening to blow it wide ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #84 - Marriage Updated: 2007-11-24 18:29:24 Description: Welcome to the eighty-fourth Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was selected by Guy David. It's Marriage The excellent theme music is by Gu...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Three Moons Updated: 2007-11-13 20:31:45 Description: People are freaking out because there's three moons in the sky. The third one appeared an hour ago. The second one appeared a few hours before the third one, but people didn't realize it because the first moon had just set. Folks don't notice thos...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Just Wondering Updated: 2007-11-14 01:25:22 Description: As we headed home yesterday from our mini-vacation in Asheville, we would occasionally see an automobile transport trailer. And it got me to wondering... You know those Circus Volkswagens that disgorge an army of clowns? When it comes time to transp...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Fear Of Flying Updated: 2007-11-14 01:27:05 Description: Esmerelda had been a witch since the unfortunate incident at Fairy Godmother U. The unfortunate incident resulted in her expulsion from FGU and a black border being placed on her permanent record. Now an old withered hag, teeth mostly gone with th...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Captain Updated: 2007-11-14 01:31:00 Description: Flying makes me very nervous. When I head out to the airport I have butterflies in my stomach. By the time I get on the plane the butterflies have mutated to condors. Apart from natural disasters like wind shear and freak storms, now we have to worry...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Prayers Answered Updated: 2007-11-14 17:39:21 Description: The simplest mistakes can have such disastrous consequences. It's true that God hears all prayers, but he's gotten rather sloppy keeping them organized. Every now and then, someone's prayer gets answered for a complete stranger. Maybe you prayed f...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Closing Windows Updated: 2007-11-15 14:14:29 Description: Welcome to 2007. It's so easy to send an instant message halfway across the world, right? Open a window, type what you feel like saying, and close the window. Sometimes, it's a little too easy. You type faster than you can think, and that's when th...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Not A Dream Updated: 2007-11-16 20:45:38 Description: Every time something bad happens to me, I close my eyes and tell myself "This is only a dream." The time when gigantic jelly donuts were attacking The Pentagon? Only a dream. The time when Nancy Pelosi was whipping Newt Gingrich in my bedroom? Only...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #83 - Mexican Food Updated: 2007-11-17 18:30:51 Description: Welcome to the eighty-third Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was selected by Justin. It's Mexican Food The excellent theme music is by Gu...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #82 - Fear Of Flying Updated: 2007-11-10 16:11:16 Description: Welcome to the eighty-second Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was selected by Michael. It's Fear Of Flying Whew. The excellent theme mus...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Key Ring Updated: 2007-11-12 00:28:57 Description: The super in my building has the most amazing ring of keys. I swear, it is as big as a hula hoop and has ten thousand keys hanging from it. No matter what door, cabinet, or padlock he faces, he never searches for more than a second before finding t...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Walking Updated: 2007-11-12 15:46:23 Description: The cost of shoes has skyrocketed. Shoes used to be inexpensive, but they're become expensive because of greedy speculators and shoe industry executives. People are being urged to conserve their shoes, but they keep buying socks that wear shoes out...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Miss Updated: 2007-11-10 04:43:52 Description: So many things to miss. I want to see the sunshine. I want to feel the rain on my face. I want to feel the grass between my toes. I want to feel the wind between my teeth... breathe in.... breathe out. I want to climb a tree and hang from a limb...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weight Loss Updated: 2007-11-05 15:29:41 Description: Yeah, I've lost weight. My doctor says I've lost too much, but what does he know? Five weeks ago, I was in the Kroger when the lights flickered... just for a second. And in that second, all the meat came back to life. All the animals, screaming o...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Mother Is Listening Updated: 2007-11-06 17:11:56 Description: Keep your voice down - Mother is listening. She only listens because she cares, but sometimes I think she cares too much. I caught her asking someone on the phone if she could put something in me to track me and record everything I say. And think....more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Election Day Updated: 2007-11-07 17:20:24 Description: Some people want to vote early, but I like the thrill of Election Day itself. One by one, we approach the booth, make our choices, and step out into the hall. That's where the clown smacks us in the face with a pie. This year, it's strawberry pies...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Clown Updated: 2007-11-08 16:50:18 Description: I was ten when I got sick. Took a while for the doctors to figure out it was cancer. Almost too long. Every week, during the treatments, Jacob the Clown came by to do tricks. Silly things, cheering us up, made us forget for a while. Walking to the...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Social Networking Updated: 2007-11-03 13:50:39 Description: In the past year, I've signed up for all sorts of social networking sites. I started with Myspace, then moved to Facebook, and over to Twitter and Jaiku and Utterz and Tumbler and so on and so forth. Whenever I update one site, I feel obligated to ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Disease Updated: 2007-11-03 17:07:20 Description: Sometimes they say they're with a church, other times they're a representative from a support group. They say they know how you feel. They lost someone to cancer, just like you're losing someone to it. Things move fast, you're in too deep, and the ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #81 - Six Way Tie Updated: 2007-11-03 18:55:33 Description: Welcome to the eighty-first Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was selected by Mike It's pumpkin, ghost, squirrels, blue smoke, the Gates of Hel...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Treasure Updated: 2009-09-05 00:00:00 Description: Some say buried among the stones and markers lies mankind's greatest treasure. Not gold, not silver, not precious stones. It's something we all seek, sometimes even beg for. We all have it. It's within us all, so hard to give, and harder to accept...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Joe Christ Updated: 2007-10-31 20:35:39 Description: It was a great costume idea. Joe would dress up like Jesus and we'd strap him to a cross on our porch. He'd hand out candy and blessings to all the kids that were brave enough to ask him. When the big day came, we were a little drunk, so instead of...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Same Day Updated: 2007-10-30 19:32:06 Description: According to life expectancies, when I was born and my wife was born, we should die at around the same time. Sure, we have our bad and good habits that add and knock a few years off that number, but pretty much they all balance out. So, I'm sure it...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD State quarters Updated: 2007-10-26 23:59:56 Description: It was 1999, and the Delaware state quarters were released into circulation. The parking meters were confused at the taste. It was shaped like a quarter, but it tasted... subtly different. Cherry? Cranberry? Something like that. "Is this another...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #80 - Garage Sale Updated: 2007-10-28 00:12:07 Description: Welcome to the eightieth Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was selected by Chris Doelle. It's Garage Sales The excellent theme music is by...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Pumpkin Carving Updated: 2007-10-29 04:10:26 Description: Okay, true story. I couldn't decide how to carve my Halloween pumpkin, so I just left the knife stuck in the side of the pumpkin and put it up on the shelf. It sat there for a day, two days... but I just couldn't come up with any ideas on how to ca...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Ghost UFOs Updated: 2007-10-29 18:42:27 Description: Some people believe in ghosts. Other people believe in UFOs. I believe in ghosts in UFOs. Think of it... ghosts are the spirits of the dead who still have something left to accomplish in life that keeps them around, right? So, there's bound to be s...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Wacky Adventures of Abraham Lincoln #81 Updated: 2007-10-24 17:33:26 Description: It's been a while, but we're back! The White House Carpenter was passed out drunk again, propped up against a sawhorse and snoring. Abe desperately needed the kitchen table leveled. Mary Todd was long past tired of the wobble. He tapped the carp...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Hamburger Updated: 2007-10-25 20:19:21 Description: Condiments slipping from a sesame seed bun, flowing down a white shirt like a tidal wave, staining pants with yellow and red. Brion Gysin was eating a hamburger in a manner no mortal man had eaten a sandwich of any kind, and the consumption of said ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #79 - Barbecue Updated: 2007-10-21 01:24:18 Description: Welcome to the seventy-ninth Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was selected by Tom. It's Barbecue The excellent theme music is by Guy Davi...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Tree Crime Updated: 2007-10-22 21:31:59 Description: I wanted to arrest that Maple Tree. I really did. Instead, we took it Downtown for questioning. Trees aren't so tough when you get them away from other trees. Still, it's hard to pick a tree out of a lineup. We hadn't gotten to that point yet, th...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Fall again Updated: 2007-10-23 23:48:57 Description: It's Fall again. Sun comes up later, temperature doesn't get up as high as in the Summer. If its get warmer, you can always take off a jacket or a sweater. Or a hat. Lots of heat comes out of your head. Makes sense to have a hat to take off. If it...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Counting Sheep Updated: 2009-09-05 00:00:00 Description: In light of the news that Nick Wilson/57 Miles shitcanned one of my favorite grid podcasts Second Rant with Prokovy Neva over apparent Crimes Against Muttonity, I wrote this happy little story: Oh, sure, you think those sheep you count to get to s...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Dragonhunters Updated: 2007-10-19 14:47:31 Description: A team of dragonhunters came to town the other day. They'd heard that we held a lottery every year to choose a human sacrifice for the dragon that lives in the forest. Truth is, we do it to figure out who gets stuck giving the dragon his annual scr...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Files Updated: 2007-10-16 04:23:24 Description: I can't tell you how many times I was told something would go in my permanent file. I always wondered where they kept those files. And if they bothered to convert all the old records to computer files when hard drives and computers got cheap. What ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Free Samples Updated: 2007-10-16 17:39:14 Description: This woman in a chef's apron was giving out free samples of little sausages in the grocery store. They were delicious. "Try the dipping sauce," said the woman. And, you know what? They were even better! I wanted more, so I asked her what brand th...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD One Too Many Words Updated: 2007-10-18 04:09:01 Description: Inspired by 101words.org... One word makes all the difference in the world sometimes. You can spend hours, even days writing something, trying to capture the moment and get it on the paper or the screen, but you know it's just not quite right. I...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Book By Its Cover Updated: 2007-10-18 17:27:25 Description: My master says not to judge a book by its cover, but it doesn't take an archmage to realize that his spellbook's a pretty nasty bit of business. At first glance, you notice the silver needles along the binding dripping with poison while the dragonhi...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Another 100 Word Stories Podcast Promo Updated: 2007-10-19 03:47:56 Description: In case you need a 30 second promo for 100 Word Stories for any reason. I think we'll be hearing this on Jett Show soon. And Guy David's podcasts, which I have been making more of an effort to point out to various people who could use some backgr...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Dangerous Catch Updated: 2007-10-14 19:02:09 Description: We haul in the nets and dump out our catch. As usual, it's mostly guitars. Piles and piles of acoustics, with a few electrics here and there. In the middle of the pile rests one shiny tuba. Dead or alive, we throw it all back. "No banjoes," growl...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Fail Updated: 2007-10-08 17:17:16 Description: Doctor Odd watched the mice scurry around the maze, trying to find the source of the scent of cheese. Unlike other mazes, there was no "center" or "goal" to this one. It was just a series of loops. And as for the cheese, well, he had smeared the wa...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Judge Updated: 2007-10-09 15:21:22 Description: The judge's instructions started off simple, but after three hours the jury was utterly confused. Some of the things the judge asked for them to do weren't just illegal but downright impossible. The foreman stood up and tried to interrupt the judge...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Cake Updated: 2007-10-10 15:46:41 Description: Somewhere, far away in a distant galaxy, there is a planet that is inhabited by a race of intelligent birthday cakes. If your mother had more skills at the helm of a jump-capable star cruiser instead of in the kitchen, you've probably had one or two...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Lincoln's Proclamation Updated: 2007-10-11 01:15:05 Description: Since Caleb does Lincoln better than I do, I guess it only stands to reason that he's the one who dug up this rare recording of Abraham Lincoln giving an obscure, but important proclamation....more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD iSleep Updated: 2007-10-12 03:32:28 Description: You can purchase dreams through iTunes now. Just sync up your pillow through the wireless base station, take the iSleep pills, and in twenty minutes you'll be asleep and ready to dream the dreams you've bought for the night. One night only, unlike ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Drummers Updated: 2007-10-12 23:25:08 Description: The drummers are the spirits of the dead, a parade of the ancestors of this town. Out of nothing, they appear from an alleyway, their slow steady beat echoes throughout the city. Uniforms crisp and bright, they march proudly past their modern proge...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #78 - Underpants Updated: 2007-10-14 02:16:49 Description: Welcome to the seventy-eighth Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was selected by Elisson. It's Underpants The excellent theme music is by G...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Gateway Updated: 2007-09-27 13:08:33 Description: This is a weird episode.. I decided to torture Stuart Warf and Gomem Desoto of The Podcast Mafia with my story. As part of a top secret energy experiment, scientists tore a gateway to another dimension. What came out wasn't an unlimited, clean su...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Deadly Girl Updated: 2007-09-28 14:57:19 Description: When I was a kid, there was this girl. She liked to read Tarot cards for the other kids. She couldn't really read them, though. She just made things up Still, all her predictions came true. When one kid caught the girl making things up, the girl t...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #76 - Ramadan (Fixed) Updated: 2007-09-29 22:41:00 Description: This is an updated version of the Weekly Challenge that includes Elisson and Tom, which were borked by gmail.com issues. My apologies to everyone who's voted so far... the polls have been reset. Welcome to the seventy-six Weekly Challenge, wh...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Making A War Updated: 2007-09-30 13:54:40 Description: There's always that one person at a party, off in the corner, all by themselves. Fred was holding the string to a red balloon, mumbling "All I need are ninety-eight more and I can start a nuclear war." So, we gathered up all the red balloons, but c...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD You Are What Updated: 2007-10-01 16:28:42 Description: As I was growing up, I was always being told that I am what I eat. So, I would tell all my food that they are what eats them. There's not much point to telling a salad that, nor is there a reason to announce this fact to a steak. One time, I went ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Snow Shovel Updated: 2007-10-03 05:43:48 Description: I haven't touched a snow shovel in 18 years. Sure, I've seen snow since then, but I haven't touched a snow shovel. They don't have any snow shovels in the hardware store down the street. I guess there's more people out there just like me that haven...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Tickler Updated: 2007-10-04 04:08:29 Description: Little Jimmy liked to tickle people. He loved to hear laughter. He got so good at it, he could find the ticklish spots on all people who claimed not to be ticklish at all. Folks got to know him well. So much so, all he had to do was wiggle his fing...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Flowers For A Stranger Updated: 2007-10-04 15:14:19 Description: I don't know why I was in the cemetery at midnight, wandering around with flowers in my hand. I don't know any dead people. None I'd bring flowers for, anyway. So, I put the flowers on a headstone, said a quick prayer, and went home. Next day, I ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Platform Updated: 2007-10-05 14:18:18 Description: We were standing on the platform, waiting for the subway. A lot of people were. She fell on the tracks right before the train came. "Oh my God!" someone shouted. God didn't save her. An off-duty cop came forward. He said he'd been bumped from be...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #77 - Tangent Updated: 2007-10-06 15:05:16 Description: Welcome to the seventy-seventh Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was selected by Planet Z . It's Tangent The excellent theme music is by G...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Blacksmith Updated: 2007-10-07 16:16:49 Description: Son, I know you want to be a blacksmith, but come over here and take a look at these swords in the display case. Each and every one of them has a history: Forged in hellfire. Slew twenty dragons. Once owned by a king. Enchanted by the Grand Mage of...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Moon Prison Updated: 2007-09-27 04:27:23 Description: The first permanent moon base turned out to be a maximum security prison. Well, if you don't want prisoners escaping and putting the public at risk, where better to put them than on the moon, right? If they revolted, well, we could stop sending sup...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Wrong Number Updated: 2007-09-25 15:34:40 Description: She told me her number at a party, but I couldn't remember the last number. So, I dialed all of the numbers in the series. One was a computer or a fax. So was two, five, seven, and eight. Three and four were not in service. Six could have been her....more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Monkey Joke Updated: 2007-09-16 21:24:41 Description: Three monkeys go into a bar. Bartender asks the first monkey what he wants. Monkey says he wants a banana daiquiri So, Bartender makes one, and he goes to a corner booth Bartender asks the second monkey what he wants. He wants a banana daiquiri ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The New Black Updated: 2007-09-17 00:14:29 Description: Terrence McLean wrote this one for "The New Black" Weekly Challenge, but never got around to recording it. Until now. Looking across the room Raoul laugh at how absurd his brother looked in the new outfit. For centuries his brother had instilled...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Sidney Sunsweet Updated: 2007-09-17 00:24:00 Description: Elisson was late for this past week's Weekly Challenge, so I'm posting his story today, apart from the bulk of the entries. If I had a polling system that would let me add entries on the fly, sure, I'm have edited this story in. But I don't, and it ...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD I Quit Updated: 2007-09-17 21:31:31 Description: Yeah, my job sucks. It's sucked for a very long time. So, I put my two weeks notice in with the boss. "You can't quit," said God. "Why not?" I said. "You're Satan," said God. "You're The Devil." "Well, I quit," I said. "You can't quit," God sai...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Falling Balls Updated: 2007-09-18 19:26:38 Description: I stood fascinated, watching rows upon rows of Japanese feeding steel balls into pachinko machines, a rattling rain of metal through pegs, flashing lights, spinners... all falling into holes. "It's Japanese pinball," explained my guide, handing me a...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Happy Pirate Day Updated: 2007-09-19 16:28:15 Description: It's Talk Like A Pirate Day. Time for a pirate story. Jimmy's turning seven. I asked him what he wanted for his birthday, and he said he wanted a clown at his party. I couldn't find a birthday clown, so I settled for a birthday pirate. Snarling...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Crazy Plays Updated: 2007-09-20 19:04:02 Description: When your team isn't in the running and they're up against other teams that won't make the playoffs, you're gonna see two things: lots of empty seats and lots of crazy plays. The kids up from the minors, they're all nervous about this being their o...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Fence Updated: 2007-09-21 20:42:56 Description: Everybody decided to divide the planet into two halves. We'd stay on the north half of the planet while they'd stay on the south half of the planet. A gigantic fence was to be built around the equator, with the occasional gate here and there to all...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Weekly Challenge #75 - Popeye, Movies, Reflection Updated: 2007-09-22 18:00:00 Description: Welcome to the seventy-fifth Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was selected by a committee of three: Elisson, Chris, and Caleb. That's right: Pope...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Red Updated: 2007-09-23 16:38:39 Description: I was explaining the color red to a blind man when the hot ham sandwiches arrived. The blind man laughed. "You have no idea what red is," he said. "I know what red is," I said. "You're the one who has no idea what red is. You're blind." "But I kno...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD Farewell, Marcel Updated: 2007-09-24 16:58:22 Description: And now, something from the master storyteller: Elisson Marcel Marceau, the incomparable French mime, passed away September 22 at the age of eighty-four. Marceau (n Mangel), a French Jew who escaped the Nazis and fought with the Free French duri...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD The Happy Ending Machine Updated: 2007-09-24 18:02:25 Description: It's been tough times. Came home from work with a cardboard box. You know how it is. I try not to let my daughter hear me worry, but kids are smart. Can't fool them at all. So she put the cardboard box on the floor and said it's my Happy Ending Ma...more... LISTEN NOW | VIEW CACHE | DOWNLOAD | |||||
